geisha in the 21st century

and i didn't think of this because ....?

Exorcist: the sequel

HWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

and what happens if she procreates?

Susan Sarandon has a daughter?!

sing!

new Lady GaGa song: bu-bu-bu-bu-butterface.

sissy soldier

and why do i not want to live in Jersey? ahhhh.

Oh look! It's an ad for hats!

Wha-???

yes, SHE CAN!

This is officially creepy

Yes we can.

gone to pot

he's saying "this is what i think of your cooking!"

a Snake Eyes fan!

Colonel's chicken

OK, FINE, WHATEVER!

Take that, Ken Lee!

via Plurk.

to the love cave!

Ukrainian Star Wars Wedding

screw

see, despite having a Playboy model wife, some people still can't make it work.

Ronald McDonald's evil intentions revealed!

shock therapy

i thought kids today are so inured to violence and the like. but if it helps, why not? you can also show them the gory details and see if that also sticks.

for your viewing pleasure

This is how we limerick-roll

Dont you just love it to bits

Our leader's in glamor and glitz

Because it's essential

To be presidential

Even when the country's in the shits

via JZ.

Oink.

There once was a woman, a midget
Who asked how fat would a pig get
If it dined on caviar
Smoked Havana cigars
And racked restaurant bills in six digits?

Dirty, rotten...

So what are we sposed to do now
With this little lady from Lubao?
Her power is such
That no one can touch
Her riches, her power, and rule now

YOU got the look!

you sure this is not a Guy Ritchie flick?

it's a small world after all.

communication is key

failing that, people can still be stupid idiots. (watch till the end)

bored, bored, bored.

and that is why you gots fired.

Ngorkzz.

There once was a girl from Pampanga
Who, while others wallowed in hunger
Ate Le Cirque's whole menu
With her entire retinue
Of lackeys, a brood of hogmongers

(With a tip of the helmet to Marocharim and Sparks.)

someone will be in hot water

determine if you are gonna get some action!

made you check it out eh?

Grif's probably chewing his fingernails...

... as he battles the paralyzing throes of withdrawal from his current addiction.

The popular social networking site Twitter has been hit by a denial of service attack, according to Twitter co-founder Biz Stone.

(Biz Stone? Come on tell me your real name.)

oh, THERE's a manual?!

easy choice here: DON'T GO TO REHAB.

you need to watch the news.

take a break

and now something for all you hardworking people out there (not you, @roomiediaz!)

you want him to make that pencil disappear ...

... in your eye?

can't believe there's so many loonies around.

'W', not a 'B'

while Jego may go for flatheads, Timebandit goes for witches.

Megan Fox has always been a bitch

watch the whole clip. little boy with a rose, you are not alone. but it's not a big loss. you will find your star.

holy crapola! your kid will hate you.

but what if he wants porn? or a Big Mac??

it's like a Windows hater suddenly becoming Microsoft CEO.

i ain't afraid of no ghost

all you need to know about Twilight

watchu talkin' about, Willis??

yes, this is getting ridiculous.

we should eat there sometime

kids these days

presidential speeches

i'm so ronery ... so ronery.

It's the American thing to do

Texting girl falls into manhole, parents sue city.

My prediction? Parents will win, thus rewarding stupidity.

catfight! catfight!

start them young, why don't you?

wanna know where your idols are?

It's all a friggin sham

Bono's environment-love ek, that is.

Put another way, U2's CO2 emissions are reportedly the equivalent to the average annual waste produced by 6,500 British people, or the same as leaving a lightbulb running for 159,000 years.

Damn these celebrities and their hypocrisy. It's all your fault, Gore.
And look at how one fan justifies all this:

"The carbon footprint of this might be quite large, but the spiritual rewards to the audience of this are those that enhance a life," Mark Reed wrote in a review for the Final Word website. "If all life were bread and water, then there would be nothing to lift mankind above the amoeba."

Spiritual rewards? It's a friggin rock concert! It's where thousands of people go to listen to rock songs performed live, then go home and do whatever it is theyve been doing. You'd think Bono was some kind of Jesus or something. Spiritual rewards. Pfsh!

But wait! Maybe it's okay because Bono will pay money to offset the carbon emissions:

Though U2 may yet announce that they are paying to carbon offset their world tour – they would need to plant 20,118 trees a year...

Awwwww, that's nice. 20,118 trees should cover it and assuage Bono's guilt, right? Wrong.

Obama gets a pass. no, really.

I have often walked down this street before

But the pavement always
Stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I
Several stories high,
Knowing Im on the street where you live.

you're complaining?!?!

check this out, baby

black or white

thanks a lot, Jacko.

ok, that's it, you terrorist scum.

the pie

minus housing and health, the rest should qualify as entertainment.

Time Bandit usually calls the police.

lies women tell

whatchacha-out!

Willy Wonka is dead

do u agree with Bill?

apple owns philippine flag

too many idiots, so little time

not for the senile

la la la la la part 2

la la la la la

the Horny 10

ahahahahahaha!!! brilliant!!!!

shaken and stirred

down. pants down.

oh, you Australians ...

speak up, people!

let's have it both ways - those who got molested by him and those who molested him!

no, its not Ah-nuld

Terminator in Nevada

levels of drunk (4th of July edition)

although i must say it was a Dell ...

Mac or PC: you're screwed anyway!!

'ello, guvnah! is this true?

staying alive!!!!!!

don't give us ideas, foo'!

From all of us here at nothing...

... our condolences for your loss.

Time Bandit, let's go!

new population control method

hey, whatever works, right?

don't worry

... its not the Bunnies you prefer (wink, wink).

Time Bandit would approve!

make up your own!

but i wanna party!!!

well, if you only learned to play (competitive) tennis ...

your dick is cleaner than ...

Billy Mays pwns heaven!

wacko.

who's consuming what

the summer that will never be, here.

photobomb!!!!

girls with geek boyfriends, take note!

How could they slap?

Is it still chivalry when someone attacks you and then you refuse to strike back because of their gender? Or is it sexism. Because if it were a male, we sure as heck would open a can of whoop-ass on the muth'r.

There has been a startling increase in the number of women who are the perpetrators of domestic violence.

The reason probably is jail and social stigma.

"I've had SAS soldiers in tears because the wife is a black belt karate expert and yet they know that if they even try to restrain her he might be charged with assault and domestic violence," she said.

In this age of gender equality, you do have the right to defend yourself against an attack no matter the gender. But youll probably end up in jail or stigmatized as a woman beater, even if she attacked you first.  

wacko inmates

just in case you missed it the first time

we may soon need to give TB this.

Hugh Laurie's interview with Michael Jackson

like some people i know

Arabians pay tribute to Wacko Jacko

oh, is that so?

well, you just lost a potential customer.

goodbye child wood

another one bites the dust

yesterday it was ed mcmahon; today, farah fawcett and michael jackson; tomorrow, hopefully perez hilton.

can your MacBook do this?

if everyday life was directed by Michael Bay

life cycle of a videogame

what hath George Lucas wrought?

which were you?

cruel joke

i knew it, right from the start, because that's the only episode i ever watched.

Oh, I just can't wait to be king!

female douchebags. yes, they exist.

Your tax dollars at work

Keep your blood pressure medication close by, grif.

Staff at Goldman Sachs staff [sic] can look forward to the biggest bonus payouts in the firm's 140-year history after a spectacular first half of the year, sparking concern that the big investment banks which survived the credit crunch will derail financial regulation reforms.

Let me get this straight. You bail them out, then they get the bonuses? Where's your bonus, taxpaying schmoe? "Spectacular first half of the year," it said. Sure, that's because the taxpayers bailed you out and not your competition.

explain this.

if you start seeing dinosaurs...

dried up

i have no comment.

Captain America returns

Some say that he shits polystyrene...

... and that he has seventeen biological mothers all of whom nursed him with a mixture of oatmeal and unleaded gasoline. All we know is, he's called... Michael Schumacher??

online journalism today.

call of doodie

what's YOUR wussy hobby?

oh, wait, that's right, you're not a badass.

movie coming up in 18 months.

most expensive cities

Top 10 Most Expensive Cities in the World

1. Luanda, Angola
2008 rank: 1
Movie ticket (in US$): 16.85
Quick lunch (in US$): 57.92
Washing machine (in US$): 1090.47
Kilo (2.2 pounds) of rice (in US$): 5.65
Can of soft drink (in US$): 1.30

2. Tokyo, Japan
2008 rank: 13
Movie ticket: 19.16
Quick lunch: 16.48
Washing machine: 886.77
Kilo of rice: 8.45
Can of soft drink: 1.75

3. Nagoya, Japan
2008 rank: 20
Movie ticket: 17.46
Quick lunch: 15.33
Washing machine: 899.97
Kilo of rice: 8.80
Can of soft drink: 1.57

4. Yokohama, Japan
2008 rank: 15
Movie ticket: 18.48
Quick lunch: 17.11
Washing machine: 910.04
Kilo of rice: 6.28
Can of soft drink: 1.18

5. Kobe, Japan
2008 rank: 29
Movie ticket: 16.92
Quick lunch: 14.96
Washing machine: 588.32
Kilo of rice: 7.09
Can of soft drink: 1.38

6. Copenhagen, Denmark
2008 rank: 4
Movie ticket: 13.31
Quick lunch: 28.71
Washing machine: 1053.27
Kilo of rice: 4.24
Can of soft drink: 2.12

7. Oslo, Norway
2008 rank: 2
Movie ticket: 12.84
Quick lunch: 32.65
Washing machine: 808.01
Kilo of rice: 4.40
Can of soft drink: 2.07

8. Geneva, Switzerland
2008 rank: 6
Movie ticket: 14.07
Quick lunch: 27.57
Washing machine: 1213.67
Kilo of rice: 3.48
Can of soft drink: 1.02

9. Zurich, Switzerland
2008 rank: 8
Movie ticket: 14.11
Quick lunch: 21.56
Washing machine: 978.45
Kilo of rice: 2.79
Can of soft drink: 0.99

10. Basel, Switzerland
2008 rank: 9
Movie ticket: 13.73
Quick lunch: 21.15
Washing machine: 744.59
Kilo of rice: 3.01
Can of soft drink: 1.03

More 10

Ten more ways to provoke a geek argument.

See how exciting a geek's life is? If you say these things to normal people, all theyll say is, 'Pfsh' or give you a blank stare. They certainly won't respond with a tirade against these so called top ten.

that's right, God; i'm moving to Norway.

buzzed

that sure beats having someone call you every 30 seconds.

Sushi anyone?

Keep the Combantrin handy.

the real warcraft!

if you can't beat 'em ...

flash 'em?

old fart really knows how to dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lbNW8PcSNE

and why am i not here??

agree or disagree?

Playboy's pulled article on right-wing women who need to be, uh ... well, just read the article (screenshots). so at least you can really claim you read one article!

aw, c'mon!!!

Time Bandit should be #1!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

w-why? you wouldn't have performance issues!

sure, but you will be arrested thereafter.

Fox...

What were you saying about her thumb again?

This is NSFW, as if that has stopped you before.

future of gaming?

And from your neighbor up north

Here's a contribution from dkny.ca, aka sunflower.

Let the bashing of the south asians begin.

wonky attitude too.

what? it wasn't Harry Puttar?

first a wonky thumb, now a wonky c-toe?

how GM killed the transit system.

Stalin hates emo

So what say you, Chairman Mao? I saw a lot of emo Chinese kids in Nanjing. To be fair, theyre not Goth. Theyre a distinctly Asian emo, a cross between A Flock of Seagulls and Korean telenovelas.

Legislation is currenting being formulated in Russia to heavily regulate emo websites and ban emo and goth dress style in schools and government buildings.

The new laws are apparently being driven by fears that these "dangerous teen trends" encourage depression and suicide.

I feel my personality changing already

You thought you knew your astrological sign, eh? Guess again. 

You will most likely find that once precession is taken into account, your zodiac sign is different. And if you were born between November 29 and December 17, your sign is actually one you never saw in the newspaper: you are an Ophiuchus! The eliptic passes through the constellation of Ophiuchus after Scorpius.

So youre not a Taurus, nor a Libra, nor a Virgo. Youre an Idiot. For believing this crap.

My baby returns

In 2001 or 2002, I forget when, in the Tsinoy.com forum, a thread on the silly place names acronyms was started -- ITALY, I trust and love you, JAPAN, Just always pray at night etc.. Eventually we ran out of the existing ones and started making acronyms up for place names that didnt have any, and I took on the task of coming up with one for the motherland, and wrote this

PHILIPPINES: Pumping hot, I love it. Please, please, I need erotic stimulation.

as my contribution. And thus I set this rather silly acronym free in cyberspace for everyone's edification. Imagine my joy when just last night, in a plurk by Marocharim, he posted for all and sundry the same acronym. It has come back to me, it's father, after all these years.
(No I have no documented proof that I am the acronym's dad. I went by the handle OrangeEgg at the time. I tried looking for it in the Tsinoy.com archives but I dont think they archive posts that old. You have to take it on faith since we're pals and all.)

if you're boycotting Transformers...

... here are alternatives.

the best reason not to watch the Transformers sequel.

L4D porn

it was only a matter of time.

Fight the power

Prepare for the coming revolution.

WTF? i missed them again?

if you need to puke, click here.

eat, drink and be merry ... you know the drill.

they should've used Twitter!

so he didn't get any alien powers?

Chuck Norris, step aside.

Time to revise the textbooks

... and re-write all those dinosaur documentaries from National Geographic.

Researchers at Oregon State University have made a fundamental new discovery about how birds breathe and have a lung capacity that allows for flight – and the finding means it's unlikely that birds descended from any known theropod dinosaurs.

if it's your time ...

the Colonel demoted.

apparently, this was going to be the cartoon

... but someone with common sense changed the story to a zoo escape and and an island stranding.

crappy movie-to-video games

Just try and touch this.

Nope. You can't.


Tag this under 'Reasons Americans dont suck.'

elementary, my dear Watson.

and it hurts.

yes it hurts so, and it hurts.

provoke the geek next to you.

holy blue shit

wanna go Gargamel on these people?

Dont gimme

She's all yours. NSFW. Maybe this rekindles the flickering flame of love TB had for this chick.

well, at least he didn't do a Gayken.

tweeting once, tweeting twice ...

worst job ever.

there's always somebody smarter than you.

if this is the situation ...

let's just all agree to forget all debt. start afresh. whaddayasay?

and they say dolphins are smart

the only dolphin that's smart is the one who jumped the Alma Moreno ship for Zsa Zsa.

anybody want to reboot Star Wars?

Hmmm... Let's see...

... if this list makes our resident left-winger Grif decide to bat for the other team.*

---------

*To me theyre the same team, like Ginebra and SMB are the same PBA team; different players but same owners, and no matter who wins, the owners clean up.

picture pirates!

holy crap! better ask around if your foreign friends have seen you in billboards or other advertising media in their country!

Ike Lozada's ancestor found!

before the Austin dude raves to us about the Palm Pre

... he'd better read this.

BS or not?

horizontal mambo makes you do your job better.

let me just note that:
- some people can do their jobs well and they're not getting any
- some people can totally suck at the job and still score
- sometimes the job can be so stressful no amount of sexy times can save you from getting totally depressed

the conservative Right Wingers approve!!!

proof of alien living among us?

the intelligentsia and otherwise, on Google.

thanks to TinTin for the tip

how Air France could have disappeared

hey i didn't say it!!!

Gasper, the Friendly Ghost.

Ive got some good news and some bad news

First the good news. To Grif and I at least.

But Darwin showed that hairlessness was proof of a different type of evolution, not by natural selection but by sexual selection. Under natural selection, individuals survive if they are adapted to their environments: a brown bear, being conspicuous, would not last long in the Arctic, so it evolves into a polar bear. Sexual selection is not concerned with the environment but with sex: individuals breed only if they find a mate, so animals have to attract one. Consider the peacock.

It seems that some -- not all -- women are attracted to thinning hairlines. In other words, bald is teh sex-ay.

Hair plays a social signalling role in many older mammals. It goes grey - which can be a good thing. It is only the silverback gorilla(so-called named for obvious reasons) who can corral a harem of females, in part because gorillas of both sexes revere older males. We have retained our head hair so enabling that social signalling: grey hair on men can reinforce an alpha message of chiefdom. As can baldness. (Typos in the original.)

And the bad news? It's BULLSHIT!! You'd have to read the article to fully appreciate the heights and depths of bullshitery displayed here. 

the Bride finally got him?

ok dammit, who's the wiseass!?!?

best advice ever.

the collector cometh

sounds like they found their business model. news websites will follow suit. maybe shopping sites will also charge an "entrance" fee. nyhahahahahaha!

this thing IS self-aware.

Ooops!

And this barely a week after Obama holds a press conference about the importance of internet security.

I tell you this administration is promising to be as entertaining as the last one.

no way!!!

want some pussy?

The fast and the Führer

start them early, why don'tcha?

1 year later

Video Game - E3 2009 - Video Game Trailers

your mentor is gonna pay up!

messed with Texas!

but the question is, did he spit on that pizza?

for those about to pee

for those in need

give me hope, Joanna!

electrifying

Jordan, Pippen and 5 other players explode at reunion. not really.

too bad for Amy Winehouse's manager

wow! there's hope for me!

Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot.

Hypocrite.

Former Cuban president Fidel Castro is criticizing Dick Cheney, the former U.S. vice-president, for defending interrogation methods used on terror suspects.

Youre all palayok.

the Pride of Rome: the Italian Stallion!

Limericks about nothing

There once was a man from Jakarta
Who claims he can make his dick harder
Than a diamond drill
Tis a singular skill
Wild horses could not tame his ardor

There once was a man, a New Yorker
Who likes doing things with his corker
He'd go out with a ho
Order french fries to go
And eats off her back as he porks her

There once was a blogger from Jersey
Whose exploits with birds are quite rare, see
But it's during those nights
Of pure sensual delights
That he shags them til they beg for mercy

Austin's pretty good to our homeboy
For not once was he home alone, boy
Every night on the town
Is a Texas hoedown
Some chick be polishing his chrome, boy

now if she were as popular as Anna K ...

huh. shouldn't man be on that list?

somebody's gonna lose it when he sees this.

business is down

here's a thought: discount prices, 2-for-1 sales, and frequent-user coupons!

forward to your partner. just in case.

the warm afterglow

well, they have to. global climate is a very complicated issue requiring intense, open-minded, innovative thinking which should only come from relaxed and happy participants.

losing your religion

maybe if the other religions were in charge and had money, they'd poke fun at themselves too. or be a bit self-critical.

yeah, after you effed it up.

dumb and dumberer.

twits

maybe the witnesses needed a Twitter account to actually realize what the hell they were witnessing?

Eh? What did you think it was before?

Some kind of spa treatment?

“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,” Mancow said. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back… It was instantaneous… and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.”

$70 movie. take that, George Romero.

annoyed with your kids?

Steven Seagal has the solution for you!

everybody loves clowns, right?

don't worry, Republicans don't read this rag anyway.

killer queen

let me guess ... more reasons to denounce Western decadence and depravity, along with the repression of female rights.

2 girls, 1 sub

Thanks, Quiznos & Playboy.

hey ... laugh away.

because that's what the Internetz is for.

the truth behind nursery rhymes.

creepy places

let's start shooting movies here.

shit, i thought you got arrested!

are you a Twit? well then, here are your new friends.

problem with big hooters

no, you are NOT Lion-O! I AM Lion-O!

can't sleep?

this one's for you!

so, tell me you visited this place before you went home.

a fishy story.

N.E.R.D.

yes, you can still live even after you kick the bucket! this capitalist world will still make money from your ashes - hwahahahahahaha!

Sony hates the Internets.

proof that San Francisco will soon slide into the sea

well, if anything, you can get tips from the article. or not.

quick solution: make and bring your own coffee.

some just don't know how to quit

hypocrites. and lay off the mutt, jerks.

as to why MTV is still on air ...

... there really must be an audience, and they are dumb.

die die die!

next up: a food recession/health crisis

oh holy God, no.

the most obvious answer is ... Spider-Man!

parenting 101

well, you wouldn't want the kid to go to brothels by himself, would you?

oh, it was the real kind of cougar!

Mentos, the freshmaker!

Debbie Gibson's comeback performance!

They prolly use it as fertilizer

Bullshit, I mean. I have no empirical evidence to support my conclusion but this report just smells like bullshit.

And in one of those displays of astute observation and logic, 'officials' give us this gem:

The stronger marijuana is of particular concern because high concentrations of THC have the opposite effect of low concentrations, officials say.

Oh, snap! Their intelligence just blows me away. How do they do it?

Your tax dollars at work

So let me get this straight: You working stiffs bail out the fat-cats at GM so they dont have to fold and not fire workers, right? GM gladly accepts the money and plans to use it to buy Chinese cars so they can sell them to you? Tell me why you bailed them out in the first place?

f*k your health! we want your $$$!

o-ho-ho-ho! by proxy, Big Pharma is bullying ... cereal!

closing time

attention: psychos, rapists and killers! aren't you going to protest?

lighten up, O'Reilly!

why not? think of all the cool critters that could come out of it.

FSWay kayo ha!

shouldn't they use the money to er, set the girls up for proper educational training for alternative income-generating careers (e.g., nursing)?

More scientific bullshitery

Really, scientists? You dont see the utter absurdity of this?

Free will, or at least the place where we decide to act, is sited in a part of the brain called the parietal cortex, new research suggests.

When a neurosurgeon electrically jolted this region in patients undergoing surgery, they felt a desire to, say, wiggle their finger, roll their tongue or move a limb. Stronger electrical pulses convinced patients they had actually performed these movements, although their bodies remained motionless.

Let me get this straight. You jolt a part of the brain and they feel a desire to move something. How is that free will?

"What it tells us is there are specific brain regions that are involved in the consciousness of your movement," says Angela Sirigu, a neuroscientist at the CNRS Cognitive Neuroscience Centre in Bron, France, who led the study.

Right. And duh. There are specific regions in the brain that are involved in consciousness of movement. Explain again what this has to do with free will, please. Right now I am conscious of typing words for this post. It still doesnt answer the question of whether or not Im doing this freely or an unbroken chain of cause-and-effect events dating back to the big bang has rendered my typing these words inevitable. Your little experiment with electrecuting my brain has nothing to say about which option is true. In other words, this is bullshit.

To serve and protect... whom?

If you need further proof that the cops consider citizens as the enemy.

Fascists!

Aaa-aaaay, Spock!!

My little Plurk community has yielded us this gem that is NSFW, and if youre a Trekkie, might drive you to commit unspeakable horrors that will make Khan seem like a Care Bear.

so basically, we're just dumb. or evil. or both.

he actually refers to it as the iCock.

california, here we trump!

somebody got ... shall we say, services rendered. well, wouldn't you, if you got to see more than just pictures? nyahahahahahaha!!

but what if its the other way around?

yeah! how could she slap?

not all trash are created equal

too bad we can't do the same to dirty politicians, idiotic celebrities, rabid talk show hosts, greedy corporations, criminals, pedophiles, religious terrorists, and all the other useless scum of the earth you can think of.

Just to put things in their proper perspective

This 'swine flu' scam is still making the rounds, especially here in the motherland's sensationalist media, which just goes to show we'll believe any bullshit. In the meantime, deadlier killers mostly escape media's attention.

Since January, more than 13,000 people have died of complications from [regular] seasonal flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's weekly report on the causes of death in the nation.

And here is a list of killers that never make it to the evening news.

Are you farkin' kidding me??

The Nobel prize? G-o-o-oooooore!

During the past few years I recruited a team of more than 650 volunteers to visually inspect and photographically document more than 860 of these temperature stations. We were shocked by what we found.

We found stations located next to the exhaust fans of air conditioning units, surrounded by asphalt parking lots and roads, on blistering-hot rooftops, and near sidewalks and buildings that absorb and radiate heat. We found 68 stations located at wastewater treatment plants, where the process of waste digestion causes temperatures to be higher than in surrounding areas.

In fact, we found that 89 percent of the stations – nearly 9 of every 10 – fail to meet the National Weather Service’s own siting requirements that stations must be 30 meters (about 100 feet) or more away from an artificial heating or radiating/reflecting heat source.

In other words, 9 of every 10 stations are likely reporting higher or rising temperatures because they are badly sited.

It gets worse.

oldie but goodie

Caller: pwede mag request ng song?
DJ: What song?
Caller: Yung Compact Disc
DJ: Yes, we are now using compact discs to play over the air. What particular song would you like to hear?
Caller: Yes, can you play "Compact Disc"
DJ: I dont think we have that on our collection, would you mind singing a few line of it?
Caller: "Com-pact DISC! Tum-du-dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum"
(to the tune of MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This")

mrrrrrrrrraaooowwwwwww

no effing way? seriously!?

trustworthy? are you kidding me?

see, kids, this is why texting is evil.

not a scaredy cat

imagine if she was in the Space Shuttle (nsfw-ish)

dumbnessitousness is not an American thing

oh, you never heard of choking your chicken?

somebody needs to take self-defense classes

i still think someone made a deal with the Devil

opps! there goes free news and content.

forgive you, Father? for you have sinned?

reminisce during your early scarfing days

but does it cure you from swine flu???

Pacquiao kills two more

Imagine how many people wouldve died if it were a more exciting fight rather than a one-sided massacre that it was.

Update: Wait, what? Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra is Pinoy?

I bet Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra is watching this. Spo once told me he is the third most popular Filipino behind Manny and the lead singer of Journey.

Nice try, Spo. There's that chick from Pussycat Dolls, Apl de Ap from the Peas, and WWE superstar Battista. And as soon as The Neptunes come out with their next hit album, youll slide further down the list.

since the hype is building ...

... oh, screw it; you know who's #1.

bs meter, activate!

really? did Mozart, the Beatles and Usher learn Chinese?

holy shit, they can see me doing ... stuff.

the secret word is scarfing

a scarfing timeline, that, scores of years ago, such an activity would have been scorned with matching evidence of its disgusting consequences.

and why didn't they think of that before ...?

the relationship translator

isn't this a variation of Romy and Michelle's HS Reunion?

pigs!

right, because we are ignoring the potential masterminds in this case - Big Pharma. did we not hear the lady blame the US pig farm in her neighborhood? whose stock price is going up now eh?

the world is a village

as long as the online travel books are free, hell, why not?

the bogeyman expireth

the drumbeats have started

The latest in scientific bullshitery

It seems fat makes you remember stuff. Scientists are trying to develop a pill that would make memory 'stick'.

Researchers, looking into obesity, discovered that fatty foods not only send feelings of fullness to the brain but they also trigger a process that consolidates long term memories.

It believed that this is an evolutionary tool that enabled our distant ancestors to remember where rich sources of food were located.

Let me get this straight. Our ancestors ate fatty food and it triggered something in the chemicals in their brains so they would remember where the food was? Seriously? Look, if I ate rotten food at McJoe's bar and grill, wouldnt I remember that as well? Does that mean rotten food also makes my memories stick in my brain?

"Remembering the location and context of a fatty meal was probably an important survival mechanism for early humans," he said. "It makes sense that mammals have this capability."

Gee, you think? Did it take millions of dollars in research money to tell you that? And your contention is that the fat did made them remember? Something like, say, watermelons won't work?

thumbs up!

skewers a film with two of the female celebs i dislike a lot. cool!

pretty soon, would we even need actors?

hey, Sonic X, wanna race?

wanna kill joey? a lot of 'em?

then here's your chance.

funbags!

Denise Richards' Funbags from Denise Richards

Well, well, well

Looks like the new Obama administration is taking a page out of G.W.'s playbook, hoping that war would provide the necessary stimulus to the economy. Because after all, what's good for Halliburton -- or whoever the new administration backs -- is good for America, yes?

Mrs Clinton told a congressional panel the situation in Pakistan posed a "mortal threat" to world security.

She said extremists were being allowed to control territory such as the Swat Valley, in north-western Pakistan.

Change you can believe in.

where i am vs. where you are (as of April 2009)

awful secrets of your favorite cartoon characters

you should know this by now

when Black Friday comes, blah blah blah.

If you just want chicks to look better in a bikini

... than say so. Enough of this pseudo-scientific bullshittery. 

Given that it takes more energy to move heavier people, transportation of heavier people requires more fuel, which creates more greenhouse gas emissions, the authors write.

Oh and global warming? What global warming? 

ICE is expanding in much of Antarctica, contrary to the widespread public belief that global warming is melting the continental ice cap.

and he may just join her soon.

digging it

forget about Cleopatra. we wanna know more about this archeologist.

uh-huh. sure.

no worries! we still have chicken of the sea!

well, somebody finally had balls!

a monumental achievement in 40 years

Super Hooters Girls!

they were taking pics of a zombie!

revenge of the paparazzi

Take that!

It's download heaven courtesy of Google.

In China, it’s easy to get free music: simply fire up search engines Baidu or Google (Google reviews), enter an artist you’d like to listen to, and download the melodies. In a country where (IFPI claims) 99 percent of all music files are pirated, the major record labels are happy to get at least an advertising revenue split with a popular search engine in exchange for giving out music for free.

In some areas, they make more sense than you yanks.

Thank your Yank ancestors

... for working hard, making your country prosperous, giving you a buffer of wealth because...

There, but for the grace of God, go you.

well, well, well ... get a (healthy sex) life, dammit!

and they call it autofellatio

hello, Benjamin Button.

a tree grows in ...

Wait, what? I thought you said Fox News

Et tu, Brute?

"It was an intensive, three-hour dinner at 30 Rock which Zucker himself was behind," a source familiar with the powwow told us. "There was a long discussion about whether CNBC has become too conservative and is beating up on Obama too much. There's great concern that CNBC is now the anti-Obama network. The whole meeting was really kind of creepy."

you never know who's inside eh?

other than that, you can pretty much do anything.

Wadapak?

I got an email today from some social networking site called Tagged, in which I dont have an account, nor will I ever get an account, asking me to confirm whether or not the photo in the email is me. It is.

However, the file isnt in any website. It's in my harddisk. As far as I know I have never given this photo to anybody, have not tagged it as mine. How did these creeps get into my computer?

rush, rush

hurry, hurry, die already.

That explains it, eh?

Whatever you do, dont confuse the cops.

In a ruling made public on Tuesday, Judge Peter C. Dorsey of the United States District Court in New Haven agreed that the plaintiff, Robert Jordan, was denied an opportunity to interview for a police job because of his high test scores. But he said that that did not mean Mr. Jordan was a victim of discrimination.

i love 'em polar bears!

glad to know stupid behavior isn't just for Yanks ... or was that a Yank?

Obama Pizzagate De-Pantsed

so, let us have the other side of the pie.

BS Meter Alert!

yes, yes, i'm a virus. you have a problem with that?

lice lice lice yeah!

well, that'll teach you to spread lice!!!

this is how you kill zombies!

But he's a rock star!

And rock stars get laid.

Arthur Kelly, a mortgage company manager from West Long Branch, New Jersey, alleged in court this week that his wife of 17 years, Ann, had slept with Springsteen "at various times and places too numerous to mention" after meeting him at a gym.

He's just a regular guy at heart

and wouldnt have aristocratic nor elitist tendencies, right? 

When you're the president of the United States, only the best pizza will do - even if that means flying a chef 860 miles.

Chris Sommers, 33, jetted into Washington from St Louis, Missouri, on Thursday with a suitcase of dough, cheese and pans to to prepare food for the Obamas and their staff.

Flying a chef in to make a pizza. How green is that? Gore should confer upon him the Order of the Hypocrite.

does Ronald still love it?

is that the douchebag we know?

apparently, Facebook does not want you to love yourself.

this is why James Bond only accepts verbal instructions.

Dubai de-pantsed

so, you got your own stink eh? good to know.

maybe because he spurned his advances?

But it was made of meat!

What were they supposed to do with it?

MANILA, Philippines - Fishermen in the Philippines accidentally caught and later ate a megamouth shark, one of the rarest fishes in the world with only 40 others recorded to have been encountered, the World Wildlife Fund said Tuesday.

The all-girl band

This relates to a post the Grif put up in his other blog when he mentioned that women's proclivities prevent an all-female band from lasting beyond a decade. (No link to the post unless the Grif puts it up himself.)

The title says it all: Catfights over handbags and tears in the toilets. When this producer launched a women-only TV company she thought she'd kissed goodbye to conflict...

And the woman exec is forced into this conclusion:

And while I stand by my initial reason for excluding male employees - because they have an easy ride in TV - if I were to do it again, I'd definitely employ men. In fact, I'd probably employ only men.

remove Dunst and we'll be fine

that's still not Captain America!

ohoho! you don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot eh?

who wants to go protest over there?

the new sights of Australia

your real American idols!

Save and show your boss.

My bullshit detector is going berserk on this one but what the heck:

The University of Melbourne study showed that people who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are about 9 percent more productive that those who do not.

Methinks the people who have time to browse the internet at work are already more productive, that is, they finish their tasks quicker, hence they have time to twitter or plurk. But Im all fall for internet breaks at work, dont get me wrong. Tedium is the workers' worst enemy.

Speaking of tedium...

real people (totally NSFW)

Move along now, people. Nothing to see here.

No this isnt funny. 

“There were four or five police officers. They were here before the fire brigade. We heard the sirens and we came across to help but they wouldn’t let us.

“I thought the police were there to protect lives. At one time they would have have gone inside themselves to try and rescue them.

“When a family is burning to death in front of your eyes, rules should go out of the window – especially with kids. Everybody wanted to try and help.”

take that, bitch!

on the other hand, this further fuels nincompoops' arguments about the evil influence of video games.

papa don't preach

yes, your daughter wants to be a leercheerleader. (NSFW for some links and photos)

You guys are so screwed

Obama keeps making all the right moves as far is this depression is concerned.

One of the people named this week to President Obama's new Task Force on Tax Reform is a member of the AIG board of directors.

banks' 'customer service' is a joke.

A + B equals?

i'll let you figure out this joke

+ =

talk about biting the hand

i don't think we'll accomplish anything with our own company if we did this ... could we?

Yes, but what are they going to reform?

Their ways? Their wardrobe? Their hair?

Yes I can ridicule them now, but I have to fess up: I followed the band. Mostly because the chicks followed them.

yes, dragons kill men.

free porn! (kinda NSFW)

Steven Seagal movie production

frankly, am not surprised anymore.

and i assume Hollywood already has the horror movie rights?

cold logic is more responsible than emotional response

NSFW, i say, lad!

while downing that Guiness, here's something to keep you going.

Happy St. Paddy's!!!

the Test has failed.

oh, you are all so dead! (in Iran)

what's the Vegas line on these?

yes, more reasons to visit Japan!!!!

YOU dictator-loving homo son of a gun

the awesome career of Joshua Jackson

or you might find ... something else.

if browsers were women

um, ... yes? no?

who? who ate the birdie???

slumdog abuse

well, Danny Boy(le)! use that thing in your hand and whack the bastard.

who do they want? Heather Mills?

maybe they'd rather have her headless? scaring their children, my ass.

(actually, if you got Heather Mills, that's even scarier. think of all the children that skanky money-grubbing self-centered bitch could influence.)

hate is enough

pity this is a democracy. these people should really be taken out in the back and shot.

the Maine event

i know someone who'd be a regular here

don't judge too quickly

career tip

this is why healthcare is the best industry that will always have jobs.

lifestyles of the nouveau riche

oh, those silly Russians.

texting promotes literacy?

no, stupid. it only improves their cellphone typing skills. i think you're only rolling this out so you can protect your stupid kids who can't spell.

holy piss! what will they think of next?

unggoy po, unggoy po

do we really need a 700-word article to know that wild animals are wild animals?

oh dear god, no.

$500,000.00? only a wasteful human being can't live on that.

sold for $37,500!

prepare to puke!

sounds familiar (DSLR, hmmm)

but does that mean Brit girls are easy?

wait till he brings the Claymore

so we know whom to deploy eh?

5 things you didn't know (or maybe you already do) about the biggest argument against capitalism.

look at point number 4:

4- Only one organization in the world employs more people than Wal-Mart

... However, they’ll need to go on a highly unlikely hiring spree in order to reach this list’s No. 1: the Chinese Army. No, this is not a joke. The number of active troops in the Chinese Army is around 2.25 million -- a mere 325,000 more than Wal-Mart.

325,000? pfah. King Leonidas had a bigger deficit. get ready, Wal-Mart employees!


(and yes, Wal-Mart is so evil we have to shop there for goods to ship home at half the cost what i would be paying my regular grocery. in doing so, i become an enabler. damn you, Waltons!)

the rapist said ...

... what?! oh, the therapist! well, you shoulda made that clearer.

you're better off watching Desperado. or Frida.

as you know, this means war.

A mystery solved

At least they export them so there's no danger with me eating one.

At 3:37 on December 10th, the K25 train arrived at Dongguan East Station. About 1,500 cats had been sent on the train from Nanjing. Eight men wearing camouflage got on the train and started to move off the cages crammed with cats. Every time a cage landed on the ground, cats screeched in pain.

wanted: cheerleader?

and where the hell's Hayden Pantyairs? oh right she only likes whales.

Jeff Bezos' worst nightmare

how not to fail in life ... misspellings included.

Rambo is a pussy!

Yes we muth'fuckin can, muthfuckah

Via Plurk. Yes I have Plurk. What's it you ya, bitch? Here's the President of the United States swearin like a muth'fuckah.

Barack Obama is tired of your motherfucking shit

why we need WMDs

crap. that's potentially 40,000 species to deal with.

double slash psycho

wow! now i can understand TB's reticence (snort).

Careful

When swiping material off the net. The Man will sic his lawyers on your ass.

The image, Fairey has acknowledged, is based on an Associated Press photograph, taken in April 2006 by Manny Garcia on assignment for the AP at the National Press Club in Washington.

The AP says it owns the copyright, and wants credit and compensation. Fairey disagrees.

Theyre asking for millions. Yes, Im looking at you, comicbook reviewer geek.

Thanks, Nature

Inventors should thank their lucky stars that Nature doesnt sue for patent infringement.

15 coolest cases of biomimicry here.

Too high, man

But a salary cap makes sense, so kudos. The NBA does it, why wouldnt the government, eh? It's Grif's money after all. But if I were the Prez, I'll knock their salaries down to the level of the guys who actually do the work.

The Obama administration is expected to impose a cap of $500,000 for top executives at companies that receive large amounts of bailout money, according to people familiar with the plan.

explosion!!!

that's it, geeks; you're screwed.

22 months more and we'll have the next Britney

Im too sexy

... for the playground, too sexy for the playground, too sexy by far.

Offering HK$450 to "make love," the boy also included a breakdown of sexual services he wanted, along with his instant-messaging contact information.

as they say, one man's trash ...

and that's what you get for giving us the prequel trilogy!!!

Chyort voz'mi!

but what if they're invulnerable?

How am I doing so far, sir? Sir?

Sir?

The instructor, George "Chip" Steele of Skydive Carolina, was later pronounced dead. But as they were falling, Pharr -- an Army soldier taking a private skydiving lesson -- knew only that Steele wasn't responding.

the surprise sleeper hit of '09

screw Google. we have no pretensions.

as shoe are reading this ...

unlike the one in Iraq, this one's good as dead.

what say you, Comcast subscriber?

See? I told you.

Corporate jets are good for the economy, peasant.

But consider this: The General Aviation Manufacturers Association estimates that more than one million people are employed manufacturing, maintaining, flying and managing business aircraft. In addition to keeping legions at work in top-paying jobs, business aircraft facilitate and expand commerce for their users and contribute $150 billion to the American economy annually.

With that in mind, it’s astounding to see members of Congress, the very people doling out hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to failed companies, disparaging and even actively trying to curtail this industry, which is already reeling from the economic and credit crises. The business jet is merely a tool — one that, employed correctly, could help those same struggling institutions soar again and start paying back the money owed, with interest.