Monday, July 31, 2006

The Dark Knight returns

it's official, the title of the next Batman flick is The Dark Knight.

Hummer humping

so what is the right term for people having sex with cars?


presenting ... your NYC garbage collector!

he wants to know if you really wanna hurt him

Sunday, July 30, 2006


Microsoft Live Labs is coming up with an exciting new program that will change the way we look at our digital photos. i can't wait to download get a copy when it's available. i'm surprised Apple never came up with the idea. kudos to Microsoft!

discovery channel

pop quiz, hotshot ... what the hell is that???

scene from a packed crowd in Long Beach, Long Island, NY

are you a boy or a girl?

oh, by the way, bitch got ticketed for bringing alcohol to the beach. pa-trendy asian americans, flouting the law, trying to get tanned (never went to the water) and catching up on their reading (yeah those "the devil wear prada"-types of reading material).


ok, we see the creation of Venom here ... is that Topher Grace or Tobey? in the second pic, Tobey clearly wears the black costume. Is that a fashion statement or the series taking a darker tone? i'm confused.

what i think is Venom will not be the black costume/symbiote, as it was in the comic. at least it won't have a spider symbol, because it would be confusing with Peter wearing an all-black version of his tradional red-and-blues. or maybe Sam Raimi is just messing with us.


Saturday, July 29, 2006

Hezbollah Video Dating Service

despite the craziness in the Middle East, Sheikh Hassam has time for love.

passion of the drunk

Mel Gibson hates Jews? Seriously?


why stop there? cancel the damn checks! this lazyass generation needs a complete smackdown!!

lady godiva

what the hell is Playboy legend Victoria Silvstedt doing?

okay, definitely NSFW, but we shouldn't be surprised. hehe.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


i smell blood

According to Entertainment Weekly, there's a possibility that Hollywood may remake the Japanese cult classic Battle Royale, and they're not in favor of it.

I agree with EW. Hollywood always bastardizes remakes of Japanese sicko shit. But I would pay to see those Gay Mafia guys greenlight something that throws caution to the wind, butcher some sacred cows, and go all out, if they're serious about remaking this. My conditions are easy - lots of blood, lots of gore, and lots of creative ways to produce the two. Oh, and then cast the following as the students:

Paris Hilton (her spraying blood would spread some fatal disease)
Nicole Richie (not much blood, her bones can be used as weapons)
Lindsey Lohan (maybe in a necrophilia scene)
Tara Reid (total dismemberment - like the woodchopper scene in Fargo)
Olsen Twins (it'll be a delight to see them kill each other)
Ashlee Simpson (let's see her try to sing her way out of a meeting with an angry grizzly bear)
Britney Spears (a pregnant white trash teenager - she could die 10 minutes into the film)
Ashton Kutcher (imagine a sledgehammer to that toothy smile)
Wilmer Valderrama (decapitated Latino class clown)
Kevin Federline (supposedly badass, but gets capped repeatedly in all places by ...)
50 Cent (trigger-happy, but gets sprayed by Hilton's blood later and dies a horrible death)
Clay Aiken (tries to prove he's not gay, but dies a very gay death ...)
Justin Timberlake (cool ladies man gets .... neutered. eunuched. for most of the movie.)

(and more suggestions to come as the Most Annoying Celebrity list grows longer)

surprise villains: Michael Jackson as a insane murderous pedophile and Star Jones as a psychotic cannibal. in the role of the Head Man: Tom Cruise. and in a twist ending, every student dies. nyahahahahaha!!

which would be perfect, because this film was originally intended as a reaction to a generation of lazyass coddled teenagers.
Bank accounts. Cheese. Chocolates. Porn.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Super babe

Originally uploaded by ebo8.
"Hello Sunshine! I'm Tonatzin Mondragon AKA Lemuria. I'm inviting you to watch me in Who Wants to be a Superhero premiering tomorrow night at the Sci Fi channel. See me compete with ten other so called superheroes. As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only authentic superhero and also the cutest! So watch me but don't oggle my perky and humongous tits too much, OK?"

the best of the week ...

... from Overheard in The Office.

Seriously, China is not the most populous nation on earth. Its Moronesia, also known as Idiotia.


Sales girl #1: Hey, guys, there are two Oriental ladies walking to the back. Help them if you can.
Sales girl #2: We Orientals prefer to be called "Asians."


Boss: Well, I'm outta here! Too bad you have to stay!
Janitor: You're not letting him leave early?
Boss: No. I'm the boss. I get to go. He has to stay.
Janitor: Okay. Well, bye.
Boss: Bye! [He leaves]
Janitor: So you're leaving in five minutes, right?
Employee: I'll wait 'til he clears the building.


Customer: I would like a cheeseburger but with no cheese.
Cashier: So you want a simple hamburger?
Customer: No! A cheeseburger with no cheese!


Employee: Hey, Bertha*, can you help me send a fax? It's been so long since I've had to use this.
Bertha: Okay, well, put your document face up here, and then enter the number here, and press "start."
Employee: What number?
Bertha: The fax number you're sending to?
Employee: Oh, am I supposed to know that?


Tech guy: Yeah, so I tried to open the file, and it said something, something, file can't open, something.
Client services girl: Gee, thanks, tech.


Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith's* estate tax return! Why didn't you tell me to check my inbox?? There's all kinds of stuff in there that hasn't gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don't happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you'll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?


Lawyer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn't make it out when we did, we could've been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.


Co-Worker: I sent out the class rosters for summer term to all the faculty and got an e-mail back from one guy wanting to know why he can't find his name on the list. Because it's the list of his students! How did he get to be a teacher!?


Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What's her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.


Employee: So, we were going to mail all these invoices, but instead we're going to fax them since our postage machine died. Just put them on here and press start.
Temp: Okay! Got it.

Temp begins faxing.

Employee: Um, you have to take them out of the envelopes first.


Employee, talking to a customer on the phone: It's great to hear a friendly face!


European: Did you just use the word "impetus"? I think you're the first American I have heard use that word.


Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don't know if it's gonna get here. I kept telling them, "Our building is on Exalander Road," and they didn't even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that's what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.

Pet shop girls

Originally uploaded by pronto34.
i don't like animals and i don't have time for them. but if the pet store starts selling these bitches, i'll buy 1, maybe more and i'll spend a lot of time with them.

perfume. junk food. death. whose?

NSFW ... in a way. maybe not.

you've been waxed!

the next event should be Jennifer Aniston rushing to 42nd St. and burning the place down.



ok, i'm alright now.

would you hit me?

slightly NSFW ...

see more of Storm Large, rockstar-wannabe, at Domela's, or just Google her, lazyass.

amidala smackdown

Ms Portman tries the Force to crush papparazzi camera.

She should have done it ala-Sienna Miller, and just kick the cameraman in the nuts.


American teens are sick. Must be the junk food, the coddling, and the money. And then they get off lightly and soon run for public office.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The original is back!

Peter Cullen is Optimus Prime, again.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Song killer

i can't believe her Keys Me video is actually boosting her career. it will just encourage her more to murder our beloved songs. i wonder how a big boned friend of mine would react if he sees this.

really, Alyssa must be stopped! let the parflays take her away!

leo's pride and joy

heard this was more entertaining than the movie and the book. anybody seen it?

Captain America Fuck Yeah!

they can't seem to get this franchise right. how many Captain America films have there been? if i remember correctly there are 3 and his origin retold each time. i think in 1 film he wears a helmet and his shield is made of transparent plastic.



read all about it here.

Down under

Nicole Ritchie has a mangina! could this be what scared Paris away?

microsoft tech support

man overboard

give me back my bottle of Pinot, biatch!

from our favorite

"Shyamalan's most alienating and self-absorbed project to date."

"Hollywood cannot pollute the ozone with anything more idiotic, contrived, amateurish or sub-mental than Lady in the Water."

"Shyamalan is mystically assuming that any idea or image that pops into his skull will make a shapely tale, no matter how much cock-and-bull logic he has to invent to Gorilla Glue it together."
-- Michael Atkinson, VILLAGE VOICE

"I hated Lady in the Water, but not because Shyamalan took a sophomoric potshot at critics. I hated Lady in the Water because it's...stupid."
-- Peter Canavese, GROUCHO REVIEWS

"M. Night's self-absorption is approaching the level of irritation - here it has all the subtlety of a brick applied to the head."
-- David Foucher, EDGE BOSTON

"... Lady in the Water doesn't have even The Village's slim virtues."

holy crap. 4 films after The Sixth Sense and he's sinking fast like a mobster in a barrel of cement. Disney's probably gloating, while Warner Bros doesn't care as long as it makes more than $114M.

and if you'll believe this ... (a bit long but interesting)

will he see dead people?

LA CANADA FLINTRIDGE, California (AP) -- Actor Haley Joel Osment was hospitalized early Thursday after he apparently lost control of his car while heading to his Los Angeles-area home, authorities said.

Osment, who was nominated for an ...(continue reading in CNN, if they still have it)

Collect them all

Go to your local post office and purchase a booklet.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I see you, C-802

Recent reports have it that it wasnt a drone that hit the Israeli warship Hanit. It was a radar-guided weapon.

Oh great. Now Al Qaeda's gonna want one too. Just in case, you know, Hezbollah takes Bin Laden's threat to Shiites seriously and starts using the missiles on them, too.

Photo from

Romantic Death by The Suns

How come I never saw this video on MTV?

Probably SFW, but just barely. It's just a bunch of head shots, unless your officemate starts looking closely. Then it's definitely NSFW. Good tune though.

ahas! sa plane!

you know its crazy when even the accompanying hype takes a life on its own.

did i say "on its own"? "of its own"! damn snakes!
Human Space Invaders

no joystick required

evil cunnyvil

don't click if you value your sanity.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Greetings, true believers!

look out Marvel and DC Comics, there's a new dog in town! And it stinks!
omg! they can make me!

its my bird!

think of all the people you could annoy in your office!


in honor of the hooter king (no, not you, time bandit, you are still a hooterman)

oh, by the way, this is NSFW so you better watch out if your stuck-up conservative colleague is watching you, thinking you're the hottest thing since sliced bread, only to find out you look at porn (or thereabouts) when you think no one's watching you.

i got wood!

woodworks go high tech.

so your only problem would be termites and beavers hanging around your cubicle. and spilled water, of course.

Changing America, one thrust at a time

Mimi Miyagi, (Melody Damayo in real life), ex porn star from Davao, is running for governor of Nevada.

Let's all wish her luck. It's about time a fellow Pinoy had her slice of the American dream. Nyaahahahahaa!!

Banner photo from Heronner Miyagi's official campaign website.

Monday, July 17, 2006

no way

i'm fat, balding and definitely straight, so how the hell do i look like this fool?

a huge HELL, NO.

Splitting image

a friend of ours PM'ed me this:

glad hanapin mo si jed mandela, some new OPM artist. kamukha ni grifter. wahahahaha

How to spot a Jap

since today seems to be Japanese-bashing day (see earlier posts by grifter), here's my contribution.

this site has some scans from a World War II Pocket Guide to China given to G.I.s to help them distinguish between Chinese allies and the Japanese enemies.

An arcade life

one of my favorite bloggers compares living in China to playing video games.

The fastest clip you'll ever see

Reloading a clip so fast you don't even see it go back into the gun.


who are these two famous male celebs doing some weird gay shit?
hint: they deal with aliens.

if you didn't go eeeewww with that, here's a reason to burn your Jane's Addiction and Motley Crue records.

Marina Semenova

hot girl i wanna date. look at her muscles jiggle.

office space

The Best of the Week from Overheard in the Office.

Hostess: Thank you for calling Napa 29, how can I help you?...I'm sorry, sir, this is a restaurant, not an auto parts store...No sir, this is not Napa Auto Parts ... No, sir...Sir, this is a restaurant. I don't know how much a carburetor costs...Sir, I really don't...Three hundred dollars and eighty nine cents...Yes, sir. Have a nice evening.


Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?


Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic Designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]


Girl: So I told them to just go ahead and ship the extra reports to our suppository in -
Guy: -Wait, I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you say "ship the reports to the suppository"?
Girl: Yeah...
Guy: Um, it's "repository." Suppositories are pills that go in your ass.

(long pause)

Girl: Fuck.


Starbucks customer: Yes, I'd like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that's what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't sell that here anymore.


Host: Well, I think that's going to be September 11th. Check the calendar.
Computer tech: September 11th? Isn't that something important? Oh, that's Labor Day, right?
Host: 9/11.
Computer tech, looking clueless: Ohhh. Well, okay.


Employee: I'd like a minute to talk with you about my contribution here and my compensation.
Manager: No.


and for the finale:

Interviewer #1: You have had many jobs at that same company. Can you describe your work environment?
Forty-six-year-old proper woman: My company liked to move us around a lot so we got experience in different departments.
Interviewer #1: Was this a standard practice?
Woman: Oh, yes. They did that for everyone working at the restaurant's HQ. Every six months we would move from department to department. We liked to call it "tossing the salad."
Interviewer #1: Excuse me?
Interviewer #2: [Spits out his water.]
Interviewers #3,4, and 5: [Look away and laugh uncontrollably]
Woman: I got my salad tossed every six months, but in the past year moved it up to every three months. It's all part of the manager training program.
Interviewer #6: Did you like getting your salad tossed?
Woman: Yes, I did.
Interviewer #6: It must take some getting used to. We have never tossed salads here, but that is not to say we won't someday.
Woman: I would highly recommend it.

for newbies, 'tossing the salad' means this.

and they end up as NYC taxi drivers

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars

the fast and the furious: dubai drift

surfer rosa

what? what do you mean they need to stay in the kitchen?

they just need to be slackers just like us men, i suppose.

Hungarians can't get it up so they take ice cream

Anyone for Viagra flavored ice cream? No prescription required.

Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined

let us remember him by eating wings while watching scantily clad waitresses.

whose side are you on?

Now that Superman has returned, what menace will he battle next? That's the big question in Hollywood this week, and since Brandon Routh was discovered in casting sessions for a once-planned "Batman vs. Superman" flick, rumors of the blockbuster smackdown have been resurrected. "I was at a party recently; Hugh Jackman had a benefit at his house," "Superman Returns" director Bryan Singer said. "I went there, and Christian Bale was there, and I suddenly felt like Brandon should be there too. I had all these superheroes around me." Routh added that while he enjoyed sparring verbally with "Batman Begins" star Bale recently at the MTV Movie Awards, he'd prefer to see the two heroes work together. "I don't think we should go toe-to-toe, unless one of us is deranged somehow by some mind-altering drug," he laughed. "We shouldn't be fighting each other; we should be combining forces." Singer said he'd consider directing a "Batman vs. Superman" flick, but only after the Man of Steel establishes his identity a bit more thoroughly. "I've thought about it for a long time — even a longer time ago, actually," the director revealed. "But I don't know who would be the villain. I guess Batman would be the villain, but then he can't be too bad, because he is Batman. So not quite yet. ... I think Superman needs to have his own movies for a little while before that happens." Either way, Singer insisted that "everybody's excited to do more ... and I'm sure we'll do another one." And Routh had this word of warning for Bale: "I don't think Batman really, really wants to go and mess with Superman." ...

hah. that's what he thinks. he probably just read the acclaimed Batman storyline Hush.

i guess the Routh-man isn't aware of this (from a much-more acclaimed storyline):

Bale will mop up the floor with this "he-man".

Sunday, July 16, 2006


more crazy jap shit.

- posted by grifter

The Art of Noise

Testing the waters for the limits of offensiveness in this, our superblog, once again, I give you... Japan!

Use your headphones cause this baby is NSFW.

-posted by The Jegster

under my skin

the Japs are comin'!!!

if God noted down all the crazy crap them Japs pull, here's one of the latest.

-posted by grifter