Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Steve Jobs did it!

should we be surprised? hmmmm.

When Black Friday comes

When Black Friday comes
I'll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When Black Friday comes
I'll collect everything I'm owed
And before my friends find out
I'll be on the road

you mean there were smart ones?

stupidest G.I.Joe vehicles ever

Monday, December 29, 2008

bet you want a trainer like dis.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


wow. they are asking to be gunned down by anonymous parties.

thundercats hoes

starring brad pitt, van diesel, and hugh jackman!



just stay alive, period.

you don't have to watch it in theaters, dumbass.
"well, Santa said I could get this for Christmas!!!"

a movie in the making

another option for TB to consider for 2009. then you can fall in love with the donor. tears and drama ensue.

well, finally!

because people should shut up when watching movies. well done, sir. well done.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Jack Sparrowson for President!

unchained parody

so, what are the chances that majority of their perverts didn't have breakfast either?

young at heart

what?! they don't pay that good in their granny porn industry anymore?
well, he wasn't nice!

Thursday, December 25, 2008


Seems Whitey needs to change their diet to be on the menu....
pfsh. just ask Logan.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

immunity schmunity

screw the immunity; at the least, deport the fuckers. if i were Obama, i'd keep the wiretapping and waterboarding policies intact for these specific cases.

ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! kill!!!!!! part 2

that's it; i'm burning my Chewbacca costume and Han Solo vest and Vader lightsaber.

nyahahaha! you're no longer hip!

"We're so big and popular that we don't need a trade show full of Apple-worshiping losers to advertise our products."

get that, LOSERS??

Monday, December 22, 2008

Transformers 2: Mac vs. PC


no problem; he's gonna resurrect himself as a zombie.

you hores!

Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Kill!!

"Bail us out!"
Banks that are getting taxpayer bailouts awarded their top executives nearly $1.6 billion in salaries, bonuses, and other benefits in the calendar year 2007, an Associated Press analysis reveals.

The rewards came even at banks where poor results last year foretold the economic crisis that sent them to Washington for a government rescue. Some trimmed their executive compensation due to lagging bank performance, but still forked over multimillion-dollar executive pay packages.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

the very last thing you'll see

house of pain

dare you even ask this question? we need all that attitude when we start conquering other planets and other alien races!

you overestimate man

he doesn't need help; he does that by himself.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Porn saves lives

This is SFW, I assure you. Just dont follow the links.
No, the Natural High performers have sex with impoverished local Africans on film. The director gave about $11,000 to a Kenyan charity, distributed some corn and free T-shirts to the locals in the area and then — reportedly — gathered up a few local men to have sex on tape with their performers in scenes that totally don't rely on stereotypes at all, as you can see.

Japan, you are indeed parody proof. But you do have a big heart.

"Re-e-eeevenvenge!," cried Squeekles the mouse

Payback's a bitch, Socks.
Mice may be responsible for a blaze that killed nearly 100 cats at an animal shelter near the Canadian city of Toronto, officials say.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The case of the incredible exploding corpse

Here's what happened: A man is killed after a loud explosion blew the roof of a house off. There was a thunderstorm going on at the time so everyone assumes he was hit by lightning. He was then cremated, but as he was being placed in the cremation oven, he frigging explodes.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Youre not helping either

I think grammar Nazis are annoying, but this is so basic, man.
Barack Obama's newly selected education secretary may need to visit a grammarian before he takes on the American education system.
Here's the sentence. See if you can find what's wrong with it.
He gave my sister and I the opportunity to start a great school in the South side of Chicago..."
Answer's in the article linked above.

Politically correct... supermarket

We dont care ma'am. We can't make a birthday cake for your 3-yr old. It's not PC.
The Holland Township couple has picked those names and the oldest child, Adolf Hitler Campbell, turns 3 today.

Dont kill me! Take the money and... what?

Did you say, 'egg beater'?
Investigators say Thompson held the knife against the victim's neck and demanded the egg beater. It was found in Thompson's back left pocket when the men were arrested outside the home.

Kama Sutra

With a lot of rust. Possible NSFW, but no humans, or anything alive, is involved in the video.

let's restart the Cold War

create your own goddamned movie industry, comrade.
but i was asleep, your Honor!

Again, uh-oh

But what do you care, eh? He's a lot better looking and actually speaks English.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. If we look at the list of contributors to Obama’s presidential campaign, we can see that he is, for all intents and purposes, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Lehman Bros., not to mention J.P. Morgan, Citibank, real-estate holding companies, and a veritable Who’s Who of the sub-prime mortgage lenders who are now being bailed out at a cost to the taxpayers—so far—of $700 billion.

Penguins? Pandas? Pfsh!

Now this is what YouTube should be about.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sunday, December 14, 2008

were those Florsheims?


Next time you want to defend the president elect, just shut up. Youre not helping!
President-elect Barack Obama has never been close to Mr. Blagojevich. He has aligned with the Daley division of the fractured Democratic machine...
they should be proud instead.

Friday, December 12, 2008

And you thought it was just a conspiracy theory

Ladies and germs, the mainstreaming of the New World Order has begun.
But – the third point – a change in the political atmosphere suggests that “global governance” could come much sooner than that. The financial crisis and climate change are pushing national governments towards global solutions, even in countries such as China and the US that are traditionally fierce guardians of national sovereignty.
Oh, and speaking of climate change...
The chorus of skeptical scientific voices grow louder in 2008 as a steady stream of peer-reviewed studies, analyses, real world data and inconvenient developments challenged the UN and former Vice President Al Gore's claims that the "science is settled" and there is a "consensus."

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's global warming!

Head for the hills!! I mean, the tropics!!
Falling snowflakes glimmered in streetlights, so wide that they billowed to the ground like parachutes, and so tantalizing that even awestruck adults reached out their hands or stuck out their tongues to catch one.

By Wednesday evening, the flakes were big enough to hold their shape for a moment on the street before melting into the pavement, and a dusting had collected on parked cars in some parts of town.
New York? Chicago? Minneapolis? Noop.
The flurries tied a record for Houston's earliest snowfall ever and warmed the hearts of winter weather lovers who have pined for snow since it last made an appearance on Christmas Eve 2004.
et tu, Joe?
because they're idiots.

Monday, December 08, 2008

I dont even have a worthy post title for this one

It's parody-proof.
A young woman in southern China has partially lost her hearing after her boyfriend ruptured her eardrum during an excessively passionate kiss, local media reports.

We are in a war, gentlemen

A war against terror. And we will not let those nuns and pacifists undermine the freedom we all enjoy. God bless America!
Among those labeled as terrorists: two Catholic nuns, a former Democratic congressional candidate, a lifelong pacifist and a registered lobbyist. One suspect's file warned that she was "involved in puppet making and allows anarchists to utilize her property for meetings."
Puppet-making! Why those terrorists will stop at nothing, won't they? Our freedoms are in peril, gentlemen. Dear God... Puppets!! God help us.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Yeah, why should the Medellin cartel have all perks?

Scientists want in on the lucrative drug trade.
"We should welcome new methods of improving our brain function," and doing it with pills is no more morally objectionable than eating right or getting a good night's sleep, these experts wrote in an opinion piece published online Sunday by the journal Nature.
Right. So why are illegal drugs, well, illegal? If you decriminalize drugs like cannabis, or cocaine, or opium, or LSD, they wouldnt be so expensive. Businessmen wouldnt have to bribe officials, provide for means to evade arrest, buy arms and maintain cadres of goons that would jack up costs and raise prices. People wouldnt have to commit crimes to obtain them because theyll be cheaper. Drugs would probably be made safer because businessmen dont want their customers to, you know, die and not be able to buy their products anymore. Drugs like nicotine and alcohol are readily available despite the fact that they kill thousands every year.

Arthritis on your hands? No worries.

Now you too can shoot people who annoy you.
The Palm Pistol is an ergonomically innovative single shot double action only defensive firearm chambered in 9mm that may be fired using either hand without regard to orientation of the stock. Suited for home defense, concealed carry or as a backup gun. It is also ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity.


Being in the throes of death is no excuse for not showing up in court. Pay up!
Nineteen-year-old Ciara Sauro has pancreatitis and because she needs an islet cell transplant, she’s hospitalized every week, a situation resulting in a huge accumulation of medical bills.

Now, “Because she didn’t defend herself against a copyright lawsuit, a federal judge in Pittsburgh ruled she’s a music pirate, and that could cost the Sauros almost $8,000 in fines,” says Pittsburg news channel
the perils of eliminating sex
the private lives of toys

Friday, December 05, 2008

Black Friday cometh

When Black Friday comes
I'll stand down by the door
And catch the grey men when they
Dive from the fourteenth floor
When Black Friday comes
I'll collect everything I'm owed
And before my friends find out
I'll be on the road
hey, can i see your iPod?

Thursday, December 04, 2008

take that, Michael Jackson

perfect! a place where i can sell my old Beatles MP3s.
brings new meaning to the term 'sex pistol'

See? It's safe!

Our ancestors apparently were potheads and it didnt wipe them out. So it's safe. If it werent, we wouldnt be around, would we?
Nearly two pounds of still-green plant material found in a 2,700-year-old grave in the Gobi Desert has just been identified as the world's oldest marijuana stash, according to a paper in the latest issue of the Journal of Experimental Botany.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

not that i have one, mind you

10 things we've learned from the X-Box headset

cloning works!

that's not Paula Deen; she died a long time ago.
would you? TB would.
29 more, and he'll have a company.

More Uh-oh news

Neocons love Obama.
"[S]urprising continuity on foreign policy between President Bush's second term and the incoming administration ... certainly nothing that represents a drastic change in how Washington does business. The expectation is that Obama is set to continue the course set by Bush ... "
-- Michael Goldfarb of the neoconservative Weekly Standard.
"I am gobsmacked by these appointments, most of which could just as easily have come from a President McCain ... this all but puts an end to the 16-month timetable for withdrawal from Iraq, the unconditional summits with dictators, and other foolishness that once emanated from the Obama campaign ... [Hillary] Clinton and [James] Steinberg at State should be powerful voices for 'neo-liberalism' which is not so different in many respects from 'neo-conservativism.'"
-- Max Boot, neoconservative activist, former McCain staffer.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Amplastik mo, pare.

No wonder you couldnt beat Dubyah.
Word from Capitol Hill is that, despite his kind words for Hillary Clinton yesterday, Sen. John Kerry is angry and disappointed about not being considered a serious candidate for Barack Obama’s secretary of state.

“He’s pretty PO’d,” said Someone Who Knows. “After going from the early front-runner to not even being considered, he’s pretty disappointed.”

Kerry yesterday issued a statement congratulating Clinton on her nomination for the globe-trotting gig.

How would Jesus drive?

Ask this guy.
A speeding pickup rear-ended a woman's sedan on the South Side on Friday morning and sheriff's officials say the driver said it was Jesus' will because the other motorist was not “driving like a Christian.”

We're number 12!!

The lamest blogs on the internet.
We decided to seek out the lamest blogs lurking around the Internet. Big or small, notorious or obscure, we tried to leave no cringeworthy creation uncovered. And here are the fruits of our labors.

Monday, December 01, 2008

I dont know if you Yanks saw this last night...

We in the motherland did. A smiley in the sky.

I didnt have my camera with me though, on the way home from the grocery. Venus and Jupiter were closer to the moon than shown in this picture from Australia, so the smiley really looked like a smiley. It looked like this: :) ... but a little lopsided. TB, better get your brand-spanking-new SLR ready just in case.

Update: Apparently you Yanks won't get a smiley. Youll get a frown.

Pfsh. Hypocrisy knows no bounds.

What are they going to do? Banish states to other planets? What do you bet they start targeting third world countries before they look at themselves?
The first role of the new body would be to enforce international agreements on cutting greenhouse gas emissions set to be agreed next year.

But the court would also fine countries or companies that fail to protect endangered species or degrade the natural environment and enforce the "right to a healthy environment".

Such dedication!

A police chief teaching gun safety to her daughter goes above and beyond... by shooting himself in the leg.
According to the Monroe police report, "Mr. Schwarber stated that he was out teaching his daughter gun safety and shooting techniques. When they returned home, Mr. Schwarber was preparing to clean his weapons, when he failed to realize that his pistol was still loaded and accidentally shot himself in the leg."

I bet the daughter won't forget that lesson.