Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Now if ever Im in New York...

... this is the restaurant I want you guys to take me to. (And it's not Hooters.)


Owners of a restaurant in China's Fujian province, who normally put frogs legs on the menu, have decided to spare this unique eight-legged frog. -- courtesy of BBC

if this freak were even on the menu, i wouldn't eat it. who knows what kind of mutant gene i could be absorbing.

The secret to a long life

If this is true, Im giving Ryukenden about 5 years, tops.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

we need to sue somebody

great caesar's ghost! we've been shortening our lifespan unknowingly!

Fire up the incinerators!

It's 10 years per. At that rate, your sentences would measure millennia.

Meanwhile, a guardian of your civil liberties has been naughty. Which means you can't hire him as your lawyer because he'll be in jail.

What? Me live without my electric butt washer? No way!

The truth, she's so inconvenient, eh Al Gore? He's probably saying, "Let the poor live green. Global warming isnt for us rich folk."

And remember Chilli Palmer driving to a premiere in a Prius in that movie with The Rock? Chilli Palmer is a movie role. The actor who played him doesnt drive a Prius.

"John Travolta has been boasting to Joan Rivers on the
red carpet about his new house, which features its own airport for his
private jet."

Ive seen the house. It has an airport for his TWO private jets. Yep. Good ole Hollywood is leading the fight against global warming. I see global warming beating a hasty retreat right about now.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Today's non-news

This is just like a major newspaper running a headline that says, Dog Bites Man.

trademark barako, quick!

Mystit Pizza

The Blessed Virgin Mary wants to feed us. Which is why she keeps appearing in food.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I hope I just hope he doesnt get Celine Dion to sing the theme song

James Cameron takes a page out of Dan Brown's play book.

"Ever the showman, (Why does this remind me of the impresario in another movie,"King Kong", whose hubris blinds him to the dangers of an angry and very large ape?) Cameron is holding a New York press conference on Monday at which he will reveal three coffins, supposedly those of Jesus of Nazareth, his mother Mary and Mary Magdalene."

Friday, February 23, 2007

Wadapak happened?

There was a time they were the most advanced civilization in the world, leaders in mathematics and sciences, art, culture. They were tolerant of other faiths and lived in peace and harmony with their Christian and Jewish neighbors. How can this culture produce Osama, I ask you?


UK firms sell life-like baby dolls to couples who have just lost their babies.

"The dolls are being sold by the hundreds on eBay!, often marketed as a way for grieving parents to move on."

Have a look at more babies.

'Equality' has come to Wimbledon and Venus is so pleased

A matter of being equal, you say?

Mauresmo: "I think most of the people agreed it's not a matter of how long we
(women) spend on the court. The men are always going to play longer
because they play best of five sets. It's just a matter of being equal."

Huh? Let me get this straight: the men play better, they play longer, they draw in more fans... right. It's a matter of being equal. Why dont you just say it's the politically correct thing to do so it would sound more believable?

"The greatest tennis tournament in the world has reached an even greater height today," three-time champion Venus Williams said.

Sure, if they have that much money to spend, by all means. But dont say it's because youre equal to the men as tennis players. That's just a crock.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

guess what it is

before you click on the image below, make a guess what it is. let's see how good you are. now click!

So give them citizenship already.. and representation in governments

Sheesh. Chimps have been observed making weapons for hunting. Fascinating stuff. But the reporter adds this lame-brained sentence in the second paragraph:

The multistep spearmaking practice...adds credence to the idea that human forebears fashioned similar tools millions of years ago.

Huh? You mean there was doubt that our human forebears had fashioned tools millions of years ago and that the observation of chimps doing it was needed to finally lay that "theory" to rest?

"You know what? I really believe humans fashioned tools millions of years ago, but I can't be sure. I mean, we're scientists. We need proof, dagnabbit!"

"Professor, take a look at this! Chimps! Making spears!"

"Finally! The proof I need!" (Weeps for joy.)

"Umm professor? I dont think that's proof. What if ancient chimps made these tools then our human ancestors just picked them up later after the chimps used them?"

"By George, youre right. Looks like the mystery of human tools will have to remain a mystery."

attention internet addicts

... do not go to China


futures of the world

ladies and gentlemen, the next generation of leaders!

find the illegal!

stupid wax museum

what, they think she has the body of Giada?

read the comments. nyahahahahaha!

The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence finds something

The SETI project has been looking for ET since the 60's. Finally it has found something.

"I always knew that a geek would make a great husband," she said.

That means you guys should have chicks all over you by now.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


What is it with this chick? She no great beauty but somehow... Maybe it's her personality; that down-to-earth charm that says, "Im also just a girl... standing in front of a boy...". Maybe it's her goofy sense of humor and her earnestness to do well and have fun in the process.

Or maybe it's her boobs.

Why wait for the second coming...

... when he's already here?

Reminds me of Father Tropa. "Father Tropa, bakit kayo nakatapak?"

"Dyan ko pinapakita ang aking humility, gaya ni Jesus Christ."

"E bakit kayo naka-Rolex?"

"Para hindi ako ma-late sa appointments ko."

newsflash: i'm not just a pretty boy!


US 'Iran attack plans' revealed. This news means absolutely nothing. It's just BBC's way of riling up emotions. They know full well that the US has attack plans on practically every nation on earth as a matter of course, including an attack plan on the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The sad thing is that most people will pick this item up and say, Holy crap!! The Yanks will attack Iran!! Why? Because most people are idiots.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Why you shouldnt buy a woman a choker

They dont need it. This puts Venus's (or was it Serena) whiny complaint that women tennis players dont get paid as much as the men in proper perspective.


if the U.S. is hit by another Katrina, you'll know whom to blame.
Sweet Adolf!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

He said it wasnt Annie Lennox

Oh for the love of...

Why do we indulge these people? Why do 'respectable' news organization like CNN waste precious time and resources reporting on the doings of some no-talent, no-brain, publicity whore whose career plunge can be blamed solely on herself? So she had a haircut. So friggin what??

(No links. I wouldnt soil our blogsite which is dedicated to sophomoric humor with the likes of her humorless mug. Yeah, yeah, I know. She deserves our sympathy. I sympathize. Now get out and clean yourself up. Maybe, with the right friends who truly care about you, you can come back and haunt Time Bandit's dreams again like you used to do.)


that's it, we've been outed!

disney propaganda, believe it or not!

Disney Nazi Cartoon

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

book v1.0

many people think computers are so complicated. but did you know that when the first book came out, it was also considered to be complicated? So complicated that people would frequently call the help desk for support.

K.I.T.T. just exploded

pick of the litter!

(NSFW ... only if you don't want to lose your lunch)

Friday, February 16, 2007

so a birthday gives you a license to wake up the neighborhood?


oh, now you're cracking down?

pretty soon, we'll be back to watching Sesame Street and I Love Lucy on primetime TV.

click while supplies last!

the things they do to waste our time!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I guess this means college enrollment is up, eh?

Anna Nicole's movie out in May

On DVD? Drat! That means she won't qualify for an Oscar. Oh, the humanity!!

sharon stoned

i truly believe she was high on crack the entire time she was in germany.

ugly truth

an old filipino ad got it right. didn't they cast Elizabeth Ramsey as cleo in a commercial a long time ago?

PETA's state of the nation undress

Watch for the surprise, well it's not really a surprise.

Watch more PETA videos at

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


what's this? how can anyone not like you?

iPhone killer

stick it to iPhone!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Gourmet rant

Chef Tony Bourdain throws down against the Food Network.

Nice words about personal favorite Mario Batali. And Giada's cleavage. (Just kidding, grif. He likes Giada: "She can actually cook.") And the futility of trying--resistance is futile--to stop Rachael Ray.


An Irvine cop ejaculates on a motorist but escapes criminal liability

head ... explodes ....

if we knew this circa 1999 (so that's what "... Baby One More Time" meant) ...

Ehhhhh... What's up, doc?

I never liked carrots. Theyre fibrous and tasteless. Now I know why. Eating carrots is like eating car parts.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Friday, February 09, 2007

guess who had botox?

the cell

the cellphone generation
the cellphone generation
reared on a diet
of misspellings and disinformation

all you texters and cellphone addicts out there since 2000, this is all on you!

* apologies to Mr. Matt Johnson

Big brother not only can tell you what to do

Thursday, February 08, 2007

She's Dead Jim....


I call shenanigans...

grifter: the marilyn of our era goes on to the great beyond (what, you think Bill Clinton didn't hit that?)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pork fat rules!!

Here's a sandwich recipe for all you winter-weary wanderers.

Or you could always use week old, x times reheated pork adobo.


start crossing as many streets as you can, listening to your iPod, before the cops fine you or you get run over by the M15 bus.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

new subscriptions now being accepted


So that's what it looks like. MRI's are great. Science is great. I'd like to buy science a beer.


Harry Potter over? Rowling heartborken? Pfah! Until when will these publishers, authors, marketing and PR firms (and pro athletes, lest we forget) foist this canard on us? Gazillions are still to be made on the Potter franchise, and you can bet your dick that Harry Potter will be back.

More tales of the tabo

Monday, February 05, 2007

Big brother isnt just watching you

He's also controlling your mind. Ask Ryukenden about the jet contrails everytime the prez delivers his state of the nation address.

Talking head takes on the mega-shoed one

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Denise Richards teaser

this is why paparazzis have 10MP SLRs with telescopic lens.

It's on!!

If only all wars were like this, we would have lesser civilian casualties. I suggest the Geneva protocols be amended to cover 'War of Assassins' like they do in the book Dune by Frank Herbert.

crank wankers

hey, even puppets masturbate.

girly man

who's the girly man now?

minus one

time bandit, your list is slowly shrinking.

(a little NSFW with all the pics)

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Thursday, February 01, 2007


time bandit, get your ass here quick!

Does God Exist?

...and other essays by the incomparable Steve Martin. NSFW because your co-workers would wonder if youve lost your mind when you suddenly bust a gut laughing.


This will turn the Bacolod hacienderos into oil barons

Ethanol from sugar? That's child's play. This company thinks it can save us a step and make gasoline, diesel, and jet fuel directly from sugar.

How? By genetically tweaking the micro-organisms that turn sugars into fuel. Of course there's that possibility that the germs might turn around and eat our livers. One problem at a time, alright? Sheesh.