it's alright; you can drool in secret.

this shit is bananas

outgoing Pampanga governor Mark Lapid



and the remixed version:



from Ivan Henares' blog

Mickey is dead.

un-transformed state

this girl is the next Lohan

and time bandit would love to be licked.

sleep advice

DONT SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of
radioactivity. Though small, but if you
wear your watch to bed for a long
time, it might have adverse effects on
your health.

DONT SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered
those that wear bras for more than 12
hours have a higher risk of getting
breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

DONT SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or
anywhere near you is not encouraged.
Though some of us will use phones as
alarm clocks, but please
put the phone as far as possible.
Scientists have proved that electrical
items including mobile phone and
television sets emit magnetic waves when
used. These waves can cause
disruptions to our nervous system.
Therefore if you need to put your mobile
phone near you, switch it off first.

DONT SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might
have skin problems in the long run.
Sleeping with make up will cause the
skin to have difficulty in breathing and
problem in perspiring You will also need
a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

DONT SLEEP WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S WIFE
You may never wake up again

careful when you whip out that Nikon ...

iLines

our last iPhone blog before it finally ushers in the Apocalypse.

your mind is weak

where is she spinning?

free iPhone

i'm sure you wish you were an Apple employee

ISH #29 (Friday Edition)

this just in: the immigration bill has just been defeated. tomorrow, you'll probably be having mixed emotions about those wackos who'll get an iPhone. well, cheer up, and just Google the girl below. that, and going to see Transformers. i wonder which of the two makes you all tingly and warm more.

Is She Hot?

WICKY

i'm not sure what nationality she is, or if she even speaks English. all i know is, she loves the outdoors, and she likes it doggy style. did i say doggy?

octopussy

click here to find out what website Dr. Octopus spends much of his time on. he's into this Japanese obsession with tentacle porn.

witchcraft convention

i wonder if Hermione will go. i want her autograph.

and they were disappointed to learn it wasn't an iPhone

time out, says thief.

made it in ESPN too.

Worst to Best Comics Movies review

start the countdown

were you ever seated here?

Britain's new weapon on the war on terror

Let's see the forces arrayed against freedom stand up to the sheer, unadulterated destructive force of this one.

Zap!

Smokey Mountain and Payatas is a gold mine that can reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

Kitako-ki-ki

I scheduled a thoroughly legitimate and highly official department meeting at lunch today and wouldnt you know it? It coincided with the first screening of the Transformers movie and the crush of Gen X geeks (who bought their tickets a week before) werent there yet. Now Im not one to let an opportunity like that pass so I thought we grab it and see the movie. It was unplanned. I swear I didnt know. And did I mention the meeting was official?

Two words about the new Transformers movie: Woo and hoo.

And all those shots of Megan Fox didnt hurt either.

Well if that's the case, Im leaving

... and moving to another planet. And dont come begging me to come back and saying you miss me and all that. Cause I aint gonna. Not unless I want to. That'll teach you bitches who wears the pants around here.

Spice it up, man

The only problem with this is: How do you know whether or not it actually tastes good? Maybe your perceptions were just altered.

tuta ng kano

Mr Bush added: "I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle. He's bigger than that.

i Cruise for Nazis

iRan

British forces in Iraq are reporting that the Iranians are crossing the border and engaging their troops in combat.

“It is an extremely alarming development and raises the stakes considerably. In effect, it means we are in a full on war with Iran — but nobody has officially declared it.

“We have hard proof that the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps have crossed the border to attack us."

Bad Iranians! Dont they know that only the Western powers can cross borders and invade other countries? The nerve!

iWalt

at least him i trust.

Jobs isn't done yet!

Irack
Uploaded by tcmagnet

what size the i

i guess this is the recurring theme for the week.

on Friday, i will be labelling the post "iHot".

wow! the first of the sheep!

ISH #28 (Tuesday Edition)

i don't get it when pretty wimming are murdered by their significant others (thus reducing said guys as insignificant). i mean, what more do they want? insurance money? another hottie? geeez.

not to be too morbid here, but if wimming looked like our Tuesday candidate, i don't see any reason for you to kill her. except if of course, she has been taken over by a bloodthirsty alien life-form and is hellbent on using your entrails for lunch and as a fashion accessory.

but even then, you'd probably wait till the last second before she blows you, er... i mean, before you blow her brains out.

Is She Hot?

ELISABETTA CANALIS

from the land where they say plagiarismo, Elisabetta has such a bubbly personality, she may even dress up for you. either way, if she has any cooking skills, she can put both Chunky Rachael Ray and Bighead Bitch Giada out of business. permanente. per sempre.

Chris Benoit & family, dead?

anything for a buck. damn leeches.

countdown

courtesy of Nick Anderson/Washington Post

and the line starts here ...

so you want to kill eh?

time bandit's biatch is environment-friendly

eh?

from Timothy Allen's Photojournal

1st half worst movies

he's baaaaaack

Seth McFarlane is a plagiarist

Family Guys steals from The Simpsons.

dead mouse

just buy a new mouse already!

Jason Bourne!

william, it was really nothing.

do you wish you were this dog?

hottest alleged lesbian ever!

ragnarot

why couldn't you just sit down like a good puppy and play the silly game?

You lost a what?

"So lemme get this straight, hombre. Last month it was there, and now it's not there? Is that what youre telling me? Fak, that means the fishing trip is off then."

Post this under Whodahell Cares?

Hacker Posts Possible Harry Potter Spoiler, Illustrating Corporate Vulnerabilities

ISH #27 (Friday Edition)

our fists are still sore from the beating ... we gave our co-blogger, time bandit, because of the blatant Kelly Brook post he put up a few days ago. we appreciate his Quagmire proclivities, if just for the fact that we get a chuckle out of it every now and then. and we do love Kelly Brook, so much that we'd like to wipe that smirk off Billy Zane's face, or at least leave a skull mark on his big, bald head.

prurient pandering aside, we do try to keep things classy around here. of course, we do love to check the female anatomy now and then. if only for the reason, we don't swing the other way.

to make our pal feel better, here's one for you. too bad, her name doesn't match your status ... or does it .... ?

Is She Hot?

VIRGINE

apologies if you need to tilt your head to check her out; she loves the uh, horizontal position. on the bright side, she may be trying to ask you for a date via telepathy.

And no Darwin awards for you!

It shouldve been you who was eliminated from the gene pool and not your baby. Stupid bitch!

That's what bedrooms are for

I nominate you 2 for the Darwin awards.

deep-Sixed

a nice opening for the summer solstice! whoulda thunk Big Blue could kill?

i'll save you the Flickr'ng as well.

who wants to risk their limbs in the Jersey branch?

time bandit, your chick is ...

... skanky!

the Aniston secret weapon

what if the Pittster wakes up one day and says "who the hell are you?!?"

pandora opens the box

you can now upload those sleazy pics of your ex-es. and the gory pics of people you killed just for kicks.

300 today

death by email

the things some people fall for ...

on the other hand, i'm interested to see if someone sets up a sting on this, and who gets put down in the ensuing shootout.

Abo-mination

right; they're responsible for a huge chunk of Australia's share of downloaded porn.

calling tech support

Calling Tech Support for Dummies
Originally uploaded by TheDamnMushroom.

methinks Grifter needs to give a copy to his clients

Methinks more natives are getting restless

"It is not clear what prompts the sturgeons' acrobatics, although their leaping season appears to run from June to August. Some scientists believe the fish use it as a form of communication, others think it is aimed at flushing the gills. Some theorise that sturgeon leap simply because they can."

The hell, you say. These fish are jumping because theyre out to get you. Youve been eating their Russian and Iranian cousins' eggs for so long. Now it's payback time.

But, but, but... it's ART!!

So is roasting live puppies, I guess.

Way ahead of you, says Devon

"We've already built that into KITT way back in the 80's."

That's what I call commitment

There's nothing like setting your mind on doing something and then doing it despite adversities and physical injuries.

Come on down!

"Show the next item up for bids. And while we're doing that, I'd like to tell you that it is the American government's fault that the planes slammed into the Twin Towers. In fact, they might have even orchestrated it."



"A new car!!"

What? When did this happen?

It seems that one of the greatest works in English literature was posted online, but was promptly taken down when Philistines threatened to sue the site that posted it. The site is well-known in the industry as a premiere site for 21st century artistic endeavors. Too bad we missed this magnum opus.



The Philistines win this one. But art lives on!!!

Lockheed, schmockheed

It's the X-Men developing it.

make the switch!

i don't think i hate myself enough, i have to ask them for help!



and other wonderful examples of 'sign' language gone awry.

What th-??

Isnt this guy supposed to be in, like, jail? What's he doing buying English Premiere League football clubs?

LOTR the musical

buy your tickets now.

Gal Gadot says...

Go to Israel and fornicate

Isn't she hot?

freedom!

like Bush's ratings could go any lower ... or could it?

an affordable iPod for you!

ISH #26 (Tuesday Edition) - REAL EDITION

ok, ok, we apologize to our loyal viewers (all two and a half of you) for the previous ISH post which must have singed your eyeballs and made your balls shrink much smaller than they already were. i guess not all hookers in Vegas (and especially those who have clout with Hugh Hefner) were made easy on the eyes. i don't know, i've never been to Vegas. we should ask time bandit, but he never has balls to even call those phone numbers you can find all over the Strip.

plus i wanted to check if those who were commenting were just bots (sound fx: kitakokiki).

so to make up for it, here's one that might hit close to home for you (even though she could still be a hooker).

Is She Hot?

PETCHARA

i think she'd at least try to play hard to get, but please, catch her if you can. she could love you long time.

An updated list of your favorite teachers

Molding minds and winning hearts.

I know promptness is a good thing

... but werent you guys going a bit too far?

"The man's family took him home, hoping he would die in his own house according to local traditions, the report said. Relatives dressed him in burial clothes and placed him in the mourning hall without the oxygen hoses, the report said. However, the man awakened and breathed heavily as family members recited sermons, the report said."

China is batting 1.000

"China manufactured every one of the 24 kinds of toys recalled for safety reasons in the United States so far this year..."

I thought it was impossible

... to design a gayer Batsuit than the benippled one Clooney wore, but I was wrong.



Why they had to mess with the one in Batman begins I'll never know.

Art, Jacking Off.

you better die by 2060!

Tell me again why he couldnt have been Grand Master

... of the Priory of Sion.



Newton calculates the date of the Apocalypse using the dimensions of the temple of Jerusalem.

ISH #26 (Tuesday Edition)

let the rates speak for itself: $500 per hour, $800 for two. (NSFW)

so the next time you get to Vegas ...

-----
yeah i know, i got lazy, just picked her off an article in Hef's magazine.

Rumsfe-e-e-eeeEELLD!!!

The General's report.

“Here . . . comes . . . that famous General Taguba—of the Taguba report!” Rumsfeld declared, in a mocking voice.

kitakokiki movie review

my sentiments exactly!






Transformers (2007) Movie Preview Review from MoviePreview on Vimeo

what th-? "Batpod"?!?

if they can, you can!

time bandit, you are being called to help liberate the ...

what James Blunt is missing ...

... ah, who are we kidding. that douchebag is effin' gay. NSFW.

Were you a Gerber baby? No wonder youre screwed up

"Spoon-feeding babies pureed food is unnatural and unnecessary, a Unicef childcare expert has warned.Gill Rapley, deputy director of Unicef's Baby Friendly Initiative said feeding babies in this way could cause health problems later in life."

The perfect network...

...would result if the BBC merged with Fox.

tender juicy hotdog

new york men are made of 100% beef?

Zee Joker... has... arrived.

The Joker.

Hogwarts spring break

eh? bat armor?

if you get tossed in jail ....

... make sure its this jail.

sicko

my gut instinct tells me she should just be tortured, shot and dismembered, but my pappy used to tell to rise above such base instincts, ... ahhhh, screw it, let's kill the idiot.

ISH #25 (Friday Edition)

go crazy this Friday ... take your pick(s). then go download their podcasts to check if their brains match their looks (as per your choices).

Hottest Female Podcasters of 2007

World's Most Beautiful Female Bloggers

(text not mine)

that's it for you, Stanley Lieber!

GET IN LINE NOW!!!!

QUICK, WHAT'S HER NUMBER?!?

Baby Monitor Spies on NASA

stars do fall

movie plots rendered ridiculous by its stars' subsequent behavior

13 Worst TV Shows Ever Green-Lit ...

... according to Cracked.com.

hey! i watched BJ McKay and that monkey and that Believe-It-Or-Not guy.

Ah, science!

This could provide empirical backup for our criteria for the Is She Hot posts.

Jenna Jameson is glad she's not Iranian.

Dragons!

Probably is the source of the dragon/gargoyle legends from all over the world. Some stone age hunter digging up a skeleton and making up a fireside story to entertain the kids. What a dad!

Nature is pissed

I dont know about you, but I think the natives are getting restless.

most of the time being David sucks

nature is sex-ay!

Nothing certain but death and taxes. Mostly taxes.

He wants so save money, does he? He wants to reduce America's dependence on foreign oil? He wants to cut down on pollution?? Why that frassum-wassum... Arrest him! Throw the book at 'im. Feed him to the sharks! That'll teach these hippies!

Powered by ScribeFire.

wanted: babysitter

an open letter to dumb parents

101 Useful Websites

according to our Brit friends? (not Brit-Brit)

ninjaski

busted in Italy.

boner 4 u

guess what her fave position is, time bandit!!!

she isn't?!?

this is just like NOT winning the $125M jackpot

yes, you wanna hit that!

think before you eat that cereal.

moral lesson: a sword is your friend.

When in Rome ... Be in Awe!

Geography Lesson

so that's why more and more offices are switching to Macs!

Kevin Smith dives into porn!

the future Mega City.

time bandit, get an xbox tattoo already.

ISH #24 (Tuesday Edition)

O's not 13. well, at least that's what i think. well, i'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. and i'll leave you to go to jail in lieu of her.

Is She Hot?

OLYFKA

i mean, just for this alone, we shouldn't be seeing wide-mouth hooker Julia Roberts, or Welsh Douglas-handmaiden Catherine Zeta-Jones. Ocean's 12 was a barely-interesting heist. Olyfka, on the other hand, could single-handedly steal a billion hearts by her looks alone.

Felony theft of toilet paper

And get a load of the perp's name.



I dont trust wipers. Euw!

Coaches are stupid, part deux

But at least they admit it.

orgasmalarm!

if Fox News existed throughout history ...

Rules, man. Gotta have rules.

Even while waging jihad.



I mean, come on. What do you think jihadis are, eh? Barbarians? Pass the caviar. And the ammunition.

Dick Loves You

boycott Spiderman!

i think Kirsten Fugly Dunst put him up to it.

brutal hostel

the real Ocean's 13.

It aint the gases, stupid!

It's all that dirt!

“When we inject dirty particles into the atmosphere and they fall onto snow, the net effect is we warm the polar latitudes,” said Charlie Zender, associate professor of Earth system science at UCI and co-author of the study. “Dark soot can heat up quickly. It’s like placing tiny toaster ovens into the snow pack.”

ISH #23 (Friday Edition)

more rule breaking ... and for the geeks this time. makes me want to buy an iMac. or a MacBook. or PowerBook. hell, i'd buy it even without her. if i had the spare change. time to bring out my ragged clothes and start working the subways.

Is She Hot?

MANDY AMANO

most of you would probably recognize her as the Pepsi Girl, but if not, go here first and then start Googling.

Time Bandit's new friends!

guyliner ...

... ruined Spider-Man 3.

woman in chains

yes, that's my favorite Tears for Fears song, and also an apt description of what its like to be a female in a Muslim world.

which movie critic are you compatible with?

i'm with the Tomatometer!

Coaches are idiots

Once again David Beckham proved his coaches wrong. Same old story with what happened with Real Madrid, England manager Steve McClaren sacks Beckham and the English team starts losing. McClaren then sees the error of his ways after Becks steers Real to the top of the La Liga, gets him back on the team, and they start winning.



Now if only McClaren gives Peter Crouch more playing time. Before Liverpool's game with AC Milan in the Champion's League, Kaka confessed that Crouch would be a major problem for Milan, but what did manager Rafa Benitez do? He sat him down. Reds get trounced.



With Beckham back in the England side, Crouch would be unstoppable in the box.

sexy with class

is she hot? hell, yeah!

Thundercats, HO!

click me if you dare, pussycat!

don't hit me baby one more time

PLEASE DO NOT CLICK if you don't want to barf. juuuuust kidding.

and unto the dustbin of history you go.

date rape at Hogwarts!

well, so who needs Viagra??

beat my kung fu!

you may need a YouTube account.

true brit

what in crap's name is that?!

silver bullet

did you say Sarah Silverman was hot? well, i'm just obliging you here ...

chink revo 2.0

another Tiananmen on the way, with a Dell PC being run over by a tank. can't have a revolution when the Olympics is on the horizon.

power to the pirates ... i mean, people.

DiEphone

oh, my phone is 3 months old. its fucking obsolete!!!

warning for those who love sales and clearances.

cop state

and i just re-watched F9/11 last night ...

Drop your weapons.

You have thirty seconds to comply.



In the future, wars will be waged while we're cooking dinner or watching TV. "Hmmm.. looks like the Lithuanian robots are invading again, eh? I wonder what time the Sanjaya concert's on."

ISH #22 (Tuesday Edition)

ok, let's bend the rules here a bit ... no glamour photos this time. because our candidate is really not a run-of-the-mill model per se, but an 18 year old pole vaulter from Norwalk who, due to a naughty "photography enthusiast", garnered unwanted Internet attention.

ironically, her dad, a defense lawyer, who allegedly defended (successfully) quite a few online predators in the past, is now scrambling to raise the fences around his daughter for her own protection.

you can always find pics of her with our trusty Big Brother; there's even some pathetic dudes who cobbled stuff for YouTube.

oh, i forgot to mention - her name is Allison Stokke. now git. and be careful - you never know who's watching. nyahahahahahaha!

Say what you will about rich people...

... but some of them are really nice.



Unless this guy turns out to be a drug lord seeking absolution.

Misery, thou art Cupid's arrow

Jon Benet Ramsey's dad is boinking Natalee Holloway's mom.

Tired of Google reading your email?

Here's Scroogle. Web searching without the privacy invasion. At least that's what they say.

bwahahahaha!

let's all hope she doesn't survive jail.

McDo reaches Africa!

sure, bring it on, asshole.

the dead pool

best thing about Liverpool: the Beatles (Echo and the Bunnymen a close second).
worst thing: Hooligans masquerading as fans.

quick! call Spielberg!

More fish, sir?

Theyre from China. May I recommend the carp in sweet and sour sauce?

where does Mario go when he dies?

kinda reminds me of The Prestige.

Hermioneeeeee....

a sort of ISH special

ok, freaks, geeks and dorks (and even you regular dudes who have nothing better to do than check this blog) ... here's something to waste your time over: a pic collection of the hottest (emphasis: not my words) female chess players in the world. of course, Arianne Caoili is in the list.

am sure your exquisite discriminating tastes will knock off 95% of the field, but who knows, you could find a rough gem or two (readers find Mariam Mansur is the UAE version of Elisha Cuthbert).

and if you do, don't play chess with her.

ok, let the jokes begin!

Death match challenge

Hulkamania!

scent of a DVD

I didn't know that a real DVD smelled different from a pirated one.

things you need to see more on the beach

Japanese sidewalk pancakes

why? because they sick, foo'! if you need some perspective this, rent this shit. or ask me nicely and i might give you a copy.

homo carcharodon

oh yeah, i mean, geez, all the mad dictators of the last few centuries had more of those genes than most! even your everyday serial killer and run-of-the-mill psycho student exhibit those characteristics.

high times

it'd be real comedy if it wasn't a tragedy.

6 idiots held up a bus in Manila, as per this report in the Inquirer. their "well-laid" plans went awry, resulting in a chase up to the outskirts of Manila, after managing to shoot a few hostages (5 dead) and commandeering a vehicle to escape.

The suspects ... ordered at gunpoint the driver of the car to drive towards the North Luzon Expressway.

The car drove through the toll gates past the barricade while pursuing cops were delayed when NLEX toll keepers reportedly insisted that they pay the toll.

amazing. wow. i mean, wow. this only happens in cheaply-produced, badly-written Filipino comedies.

just to let this story have a semblance of a happy ending, the cops eventually caught up with them and 3 of the idiots were killed before the rest surrendered.

the cops should have also shot the stupid toll keepers. but that would be police brutality eh?

Women!

ISH #21 (Friday Edition)

someone needs your help. with only a few reasonably-known movies to her name, she needs to raise her profile ASAP. that's where you slobbering office slackers come in.

Is She Hot?

ARIELLE KEBBEL

well, at least she has a day job. although you wouldn't know it, the way she loves lazing around. she's actually practicing, in case she finds you interesting. in parting, she has this message for you. now wipe off that drool on your keyboard. and thank your lucky stars she's already 22.