you don't say!

gaming pervs

Watchmen countdown

Or, why do they have to 'gayify' the costumes?

Cept for Rorschach's.

Fuckin' class

That's what David Diaz has in spades after being knocked out by Manny Pacquiao.

The planet of the apes

Coming soon.

Spain's parliament voiced its support on Wednesday for the rights of
great apes to life and freedom in what will apparently be the first
time any national legislature has called for such rights for non-humans.

However...

Keeping an estimated 315 apes in Spanish zoos will not be illegal, but
supporters of the bill say conditions will need to improve drastically
in 70 percent of establishments to comply with the new law.

Hmmm. Apes have the right to freedom, but they can still be kept in zoos. I guess that's fair. Freedom has to be fought for so I suppose the Spanish authorities are waiting for our troglodyte cousins to organize themselves into a political party to demand their freedom in Parliament. Otherwise, they'll just assume that these apes freely choose to stay in the zoos.

In the meantime, Consigue tus patas maloliente de mí, tú maldito mono sucio!

tattoos that tell the truth

realistic Hollywood sex scene

.sex-y time!

start buying up the domain names before anyone else does! time bandit, this is a nice investment for your millions ... (pause, smell the air) ... and millions of dollars.

well, next time somebody poison him

reminds me of a Parokya Ni Edgar song whose title involves cooking and mothers.

Eh?

You research guys are missing the point.

A compound in marijuana may be a potent anti-inflammatory agent that won't get people high, scientists say.

Snikt!

Slice and dice, Kermit.

When threatened, the frogs can puncture their own skin with sharp bones
in their toes that they then use to claw their attackers, David
Blackburn and colleagues at Harvard University reported.

the devil wore italian

she should have chosen time bandit instead.

oh, "starlet"? watch out, CNN. our buddy's gonna buy you out and fire the lot o' ya.

Yes, Im all for it

...since we wouldnt want to hurt their delicate feelings.

Thousands of primary pupils were prevented from making Father's Day cards at school for fear of embarrassing classmates who live with single mothers and lesbians.

The politically correct policy was quietly adopted at schools "in the interests of sensitivity" over the growing number of lone-parent and same-sex households.

It's called Father's Day, idiots!

As good a time as any to invest in real estate in Amsterdam

Make an offer. I already have a spot picked out. Close to the... Rijksmuseum.

The Dutch-language de Volkskrant newspaper said it spoke to thousands of believers in the impending end of civilization, and while theories on the supposed catastrophe varied, most tied the 2012 date to the end of the Mayan calendar, Radio Netherlands reported Monday.

HAHAHAHAHA!!

These recording industry execs -- they crack me up.

Broadcasting music without payment is akin to piracy, the industry says.

Yeah, radio stations. You really ought to stop playing their music on the radio.

In the interest of science

Grifter wanted to volunteer as porn inspector. I want to volunteer for this research.

Where do I sign up?

Baseball and football

From George Carlin (1937 - 2008).

Where can I get one?

It seems our favorite Viking babe is a clone.

"Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!I would like inform you that Scarlett
Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has
nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen
biological material."

We hold these truths to be self-evident

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

"The monarchs and governments of Scotland, and Great
Britain and the United Kingdom have for many years assumed
powers over these islands of Shetland to which they were not
entitled," he wrote.

"By declaring Forvik a crown dependency I am simply
re-establishing the correct legal relationship between this
part of Shetland and the crown.

He is Forvik's only resident, and his home is a tent on the storm-battered island.

pregnant with meaning

just when i thought stupidity reached its bar.

or are they trying to bring about the Seven Devils, representing Seven Sins, to hasten the Apocalypse?

2050? some friends want it now!!

don't mimic this idiot, nigga.

are they hiring? am available!

Jimi Mistry was better

well, i probably lucked out because i chose to watch the Zohan instead. and i'll still watch this anytime.

in related news, Jessica Alba fires her agent for casting her in critical flops since ... well, the agent can't even remember the "since" part.

UPDATE: Jessica Alba kills her former agent.

brother eye

yeah, they could catch you picking your nose and scratching your balls, y'know.

Finally

The definitive answer to a question authors of science fiction have been arguing about since they allowed women to write that stuff.

What is science fiction? Longish but very informative.

To recap: Science Fiction is that genre of cognitive estrangement in a post-Gothic mode, utilizing a willing suspension of disbelief, transcending anthropocentricism and temporal provincialism, where spacemen, raygun in fist, soar through outer space with a glamorous brunette Space-Babes in their brawny arms.

First and foremost we must ask, if this is to be a definitive definition of science fiction, which of these elements are essential to the definition?

Must there be a raygun involved? The answer is no.

they'll also twitter their divorce proposals

audiophiles = SUCKERS

these darned New Yorkers (slightly NSFW)

if you just ate lunch, don't click on #4.

by the way, lingering on the male pics is a sign that you may be playing for the other squad.

Doesnt anybody brief him about these things?

Proving once again that the President of the United States is more powerful than the Pope, GW demotes the Pope to Cardinal.

"Well, tarnation, what's he gon' do? How many divisions has he got, dagnabbit?"

airline sanity

no way! no shit?

If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?

Jose Rizal was Jack the Ripper. He was Adolf Hitler's and Mao Zedong's father. He was gay. And he was the best these islands ever produced. Had he been alive, would he have been president of the Republic? Like his friend Sun Yat Sen in China? I dont know. Aguinaldo's men assassinated Antonio Luna and murdered Andres Bonifacio. I'd like to think he wouldnt have dared do that with Rizal. The turmoil will come after he leaves, as it did in China, since no one came close to him in intelligence, erudition, and charisma.

If I could fight anyone, I'd fight Jose Rizal.

Happy birthday, JP.

horn of plenty

time bandit is in the goddamned wrong country.

so, you're Japanese, eh?

ok, i knew they were sick, but taking advice from Emeril, they've taken it up a notch.

guess who's under the costume

not that i'm always in one, mind you

14 bar songs that should be retired

Dammit!!

I was all set to buy a Leica M8. Good thing I read this review.

Seriously, I was! Stop laughing.

Everybody loves a sore loser

Two-time US Open champ Retief Goosen expresses his doubts about Tiger Woods's knee injury which saw him wincing in pain at times en route to his victory over Rocco Mediate at the US Open that went to sudden death.

But two-time US Open champion Goosen said: "It just seemed when he hit bad shots his knee was in pain and on his good shots he wasn't.

Asked if he felt Woods could have been faking it, Goosen said: "I think so." The South African added: "You see when he made the putts and he went down on his knees and shouting 'yeah', his knee wasn't sore.

First of all, duh. When he was in pain he hit bad shots but when he wasnt in pain he hit good shots? Well golly, Retief, that is sheer genius! You have amazing powers of observation. No wonder youre a pro. And second of all, you suck.

I suppose South African pro golfers have never heard of adrenaline.

why Superman left us

... and came back gay ... well, that's the gospel according to Bryan Singer.

focus!!!

"ElGuerrer0" = time bandit

Hulkamania

are they capitalizing on the current movie, or is this for real? actually, i hope its for real, so someone can cap his whiny jackass son.

what the-?!

the merchants and the money changers in the temple had their own security enforcers, but i guess they had second thoughts when they saw this.

so, what are you waiting for?

stage a coup and replace your CEO.

let's get physical

why the Wii could still beat the bigs for another year

Global warming? Forget about it!

Forget about panda bears and the Philippine eagle going extinct. We humans are killing the universe! No wonder those aliens in Independence Day were so pissed at us. "Ack-aaack ack-ACK-ak."*

The damaging allegations are made by Profs Lawrence Krauss of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, and James Dent of Vanderbilt University, Nashville, who suggest that by making this observation in 1998 we may have determined that the cosmos is in a state when it was more likely to end. "Incredible as it seems, our detection of the dark energy may provide evidence that the universe will ultimately decay," says Prof Krauss.

================================
*"Those crazy humans and their astronomy! Kill 'em all."

B*-Movie


* bullshit

lesson: always call ...

i'll buy you a beer if you can do it

so we're thankful not everyone's a Hulk.

ok, prepare for threesomes!

its a wonder they didn't win WWI

the hits keep coming on XBox

I take it back about the measles

I meant that goes triple for Kobe. Here's baseball great Curt Schilling on his experience at courtside.

From the first tip until about 4 minutes left in the game I saw and heard this guy bitch at his teammates. Every TO he came to the bench pissed, and a few of them he went to other guys and yelled about something they weren't doing, or something they did wrong. No dialog about "hey let's go, let's get after it" or whatever. He spent the better part of 3.5 quarters pissed off and ranting at the non-execution or lack of, of his team. Then when they made what almost was a historic run in the 4th, during a TO, he got down on the floor and basically said 'Let's f'ing go, right now, right here" or something to that affect. I am not making this observation in a good or bad way, I have no idea how the guys in the NBA play or do things like this, but I thought it was a fascinating bit of insight for me to watch someone in another sport who is in the position of a team leader and how he interacted with his team and teammates. Watching the other 11 guys, every time out it was high fives and "Hey nice work, let's get after it" or something to that affect. He walked off the floor, obligatory skin contact on the high five, and sat on the bench stone faced or pissed off, the whole game. Just weird to see another sport and how it all works.

What a contrast to KG who always lets his teammates know he's got their backs.

Comic Con was nothing

the biggest gathering of geeks ... ever!

trash talking

ahh, because it was a prior deal between Adolf and Benito?

there's a place called Komodo

sounds like some humans we read about in the news

who you calling a dwarf?

somewhere, somehow, the Plutonians are plotting ...

becoming something you used to hate

Rigged!!

Frassum wassum. Greedy corporate reptiles!!

Without identifying anyone or naming teams, Tim Donaghy also claimed the NBA routinely encouraged refs to ring up bogus fouls to manipulate results but discouraged them from calling technical fouls on star players to keep them in games and protect ticket sales and television ratings.

I hope all your star players get the measles during the finals. And that goes double for Kobe. And all NBA execs, I hope they get perpetual diarrhea.

blame Canada!

(s)wimming

you thought Sex and the City was the Apocalypse? fear not! or rather, be a lot more scared, male species!

An Autobot was spotted after a battle

The Happening - SPOILER ALERT

wassappenin?!!?

spoiler alert for you fanboys.

it was originally supposed to be called "The Green Effect"... so from the title we can deduce what the fuck is green and pretty much every where? ... TREES AND PLANTS.... fucking trees and plants killing people... the salad and greens we eat finally got tired and decided to go apeshit on humankind....

WTF.. stupid twist ending.

http://www.celebridiot.com/2008/05/15/m-night-shyamalan-the-happening-spoilers/

mr. shyamalan... knock knock? who's there? Goan.. goan who? GOAN FUCK YOURSELF.

if the headlines were like these

... naaah, it'd be too boring, right??

times like these, you need a superhero.

you make me sick too!

another deal with the devils

$200 and 2-year contract. yeah, right.

Wonder Woman finds body

let us just note that it isn't hers, because she hasn't lost her body in the first place.

sign me up, dammit!

a message from mother Nature

oh, grow up!

READ AT WORK!

creative company logo

the effect of this post will be ... NSFW

the correct headline should be:

"how employees are wasting more time at work"

Vee haf vays, mein freund

So dont bother moving to Germany either, grif.

The proposed legislation would for the first time give federal police officers the right to take preventive measures in cases of suspected terrorism.

The bill, for example, calls for video surveillance of private apartments, online computer searches and phone monitoring.

What did the Rolling Stone article say again? "The most efficient delivery system for capitalism is actually a communist-style police state, fortressed with American 'homeland security' technologies, pumped up with 'war on terror' rhetoric."

Gives the term 'captive market' a whole new meaning. Sieg heil!

Grifter suggests we move to Sweden

Right.

The En anpassad försvarsunderrättelseverksamhet bill (which loosely translates to "a better adapted military intelligence gathering") gives Sweden's National Defence Radio Establishment (FRA) direct access to the traffic passing through its borders. Now remember, we're talking about the internet, which frequently routes packets though multiple geographically dispersed hops before they reach their final destination.

This all but guarantees that emails and voice over IP (VoIP) calls between Swedes will routinely be siphoned into a massive monitoring machine. And we wouldn't be surprised if traffic between parties with no tie to the country regularly passes through Sweden's border as well, and that too would be fair game. (For example, email sent from a BT address in London to Finland is likely to pass through Sweden first.)

Great suggestion, Einstein.

bad education

when you really can't take it anymore

That's for your asshole, asshole!

Doomed, I tell ya. These college jerks will be running the country someday.

Of all the drugs young people can use at clubs, the latest trend in New York may be the least hip among all circles: Preparation H.

breaking news!

this means she will find a way to put a man on a grassy knoll.



as opposed to before, where she just suggested there "could be" someone on a grassy knoll.



okay, that was mean. but you never know, do you? do you?

so you mean Mindanao is SHIT?

because that's what the expression means, mlq3 (or whoever wrote this).

i don't see any mention of fans, abaniko or electric, in the article. so i assume its the "situation in Mindanao" that is "hitting the fan". but that headline sure looks awkward.

if any of you are unraveling at the seams, doing drugs, alienating your friends and generally making a nuisance of yourself, should i call you out and say "hey, man, you're hitting the fan"?

i don't know, am just an idiot. educate me.

have gun, will travel. or not.

or really not.

the running man

Chinese teacher flees, leaves students behind, during earthquake.

When his pupils began to arrive, they asked: "Teacher, why didn't you bring us out?"

His explanation was simple. "I have a very strong sense of self-preservation," he said. "I have never been a brave man and I'm only really concerned about myself."

nice role model. i guess they're a generation removed from the heroes of Tiananmen.

(that word effectively bans this blog from being seen in PRC. screw them.)

where is safe?

see, even if you took steps to be careful ...

here's the news report.

what the Japs think of Slowhand.

where would YOU go? be honest.

before she was famous ...

... she used to teach your favorite subject! so how come (pun intended) you didn't pass!?!

The journey back

Journey rises back from rock obscurity with the help of its Pinoy frontman.

And though the album doesn't transcend this purpose, it is, actually, good. Mr. Pineda, who sings hard and with the appropriate vulnerability, gives it some distinction. Beyond that, the band seems to have taken rock vitamins: it feels alive.

Yes, we have no bananas

We have no bananas today.

Panama disease - or Fusarium wilt of banana - is back, and the Cavendish does not appear to be safe from this new strain, which appeared two decades ago in Malaysia, spread slowly at first, but is now moving at a geometrically quicker pace. There is no cure, and nearly every banana scientist says that though Panama disease has yet to hit the banana crops of Latin America, which feed our hemisphere, the question is not if this will happen, but when. Even worse, the malady has the potential to spread to dozens of other banana varieties, including African bananas, the primary source of nutrition for millions of people.

Coming soon to your neighborhood

This is how this Golden Shield will work: Chinese citizens will be watched around the clock through networked CCTV cameras and remote monitoring of computers. They will be listened to on their phone calls, monitored by digital voice-recognition technologies. Their Internet access will be aggressively limited through the country's notorious system of online controls known as the "Great Firewall." Their movements will be tracked through national ID cards with scannable computer chips and photos that are instantly uploaded to police databases and linked to their holder's personal data. This is the most important element of all: linking all these tools together in a massive, searchable database of names, photos, residency information, work history and biometric data. When Golden Shield is finished, there will be a photo in those databases for every person in China: 1.3 billion faces.

And China's partners in this experiment? IBM, Honeywell and General Electric. Screw the free market. As this article says, 'the most efficient delivery system for capitalism is actually a communist-style police state, fortressed with American "homeland security" technologies, pumped up with "war on terror" rhetoric.'

(The article makes a category mistake though. It equates capitalism with the free market. Communists are capitalists. It's just that capitalism there is through the State, whereas in free markets, capitalism is through individuals.)

Learning can be so much fun

When I was knee-high to the grasshopper, my favorite reading material was the 24-volume Collier's Encyclopedia and the accompanying Collier's Classics. Kids nowadays have a variety of highly informative sources of information at a click of a mouse, online encyclopedias galore.

Imagine how things wouldve turned out for us if we had this.

again, say goodbye to the Internets.

any of you wankers attended? or won?

oh, that's rich!

they're complaining? unbelievable.

NANCY CHEMTOB, a divorce lawyer in Manhattan, has found that her days have become crammed seeing clients, all worried about how an economic downturn will affect their marriages.

“I literally had to sit there and tell him that he had to tell his wife that she had to stop spending,” she said. “He was actually scared she would leave him because their financial situation changed so drastically.”

THEIR spouses could leave them when they discover that their net worth has collapsed to eight figures from nine. Friends and business associates could avoid them as they pass their lunchtime tables at Barney’s or the Four Seasons. And these snubs could trickle down to their children.

The drop in wealth has also exposed other personal problems, like bad marriages. Money — which bought jewelry or extravagant vacations — helped smooth over many of these difficulties ... now, he said, his clients “catastrophize” smaller bonuses or shriveling stock portfolios.

booo hoooo. why don't you all just give us poor people your money and wealth, and then throw yourselves off a cliff? i'm sure we can do lots more with that beyond Gulfstream rentals, unnecessary jewelry and overpriced highlights.