the best of the week ...

(... from Overheard in the Office.com.)

Exec: If we are going to succeed, we need strong leadership from everyone on the team.

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Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: I'm looking for a red wine.
Employee: Cabernet, pinot noir, shiraz?
Customer: No, I want a red wine.

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Employee #1, on phone: Good morning, sir, my name is Brad*, and I'm from an execution service agency.
Employee #2: Dude. It's executive search agency!

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Electrician: I think I may have made a mistake.
Owner of office: Ya think so? What gave it away, the flames?

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Little girl, pointing to ad poster: Dog!
Father, looking at the ad: No, honey, that's Ellen Degeneres.

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Admin #1: How old is his son?
Admin #2: Ten.
Admin #1: And how many kids does he have?
Admin #2: Three. They're triplets.
Admin #1: And they're all ten?

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Male employee #1: How did Costa Rica go in the World Cup?
Male employee #2: Who does he play for?
Male employee #1: Are you serious?
Male employee #2: What? Is he on the Australian team or something? Is that why I'm meant to know him?

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Man #1: No, you're not fucking listening here. There are no fire hydrants in the ocean.
Man #2: But we could...
Man #1: Oh my God. No fire hydrants! Are you hearing me? There are no fire hydrants in the ocean!

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Man: Do you have the movie Upside Down?
Cashier: Let me check. Um, no.
Man: The one about the two guys on the wine tour.
Cashier: You mean Sideways?
Man: Yeah, that one.
Cashier: It's under "S" on the wall.
Man (to his friend): It's under "S" with Psycho.

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Admin #1: There is a 30% chance that it will rain today.
Admin #2: Wow! That means there is a 60% chance that it won't.

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Engineer #1: What the hell were you thinking when you wrote this code?
Engineer #2: Boobs.
Engineer #1: Huh?!
Engineer #2: Truthfully, it's likely I was thinking about boobs.

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GM: How were you days off?
Supervisor: Pretty good. Did some hiking.
GM: How was the conference?
Supervisor: What conference?
GM: I e-mailed you Wednesday about the loss prevention meeting on Thursday morning. I know it was short notice.
Supervisor: Thursday was my day off. Wednesday was my day off. I wasn't here to check my e-mails.
GM: So you didn't go to the mandatory meeting?
Supervisor: Um.
GM: You have to check your e-mail every day. No excuses.
Supervisor: I wasn't here to check my e-mail.
GM: No excuses.

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Delivery driver: I've never had to stop and check in before.
Guard: Yes, you have. We started doin' it after 2-11.
Delivery driver: You mean 9-11?
Guard, rolling eyes: No. 2-11, when them people crashed them planes. 2-11.
Delivery driver: That was in September.
Guard: 2-11.

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Boss: I went to school with this guy...I don't remember his name, but he just became the president of some real estate development company in DC. Can you look him up on the internet? I'd like to send him a note.

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Guy: Wow! Look at the legs on that chick! Those are some really short shorts! Look, Bill!
Bill: Yeah, that's my wife.