office space

The Best of the Week from Overheard in the Office.


Hostess: Thank you for calling Napa 29, how can I help you?...I'm sorry, sir, this is a restaurant, not an auto parts store...No sir, this is not Napa Auto Parts ... No, sir...Sir, this is a restaurant. I don't know how much a carburetor costs...Sir, I really don't...Three hundred dollars and eighty nine cents...Yes, sir. Have a nice evening.

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Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?

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Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic Designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]

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Girl: So I told them to just go ahead and ship the extra reports to our suppository in -
Guy: -Wait, I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you say "ship the reports to the suppository"?
Girl: Yeah...
Guy: Um, it's "repository." Suppositories are pills that go in your ass.

(long pause)

Girl: Fuck.

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Starbucks customer: Yes, I'd like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that's what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't sell that here anymore.

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Host: Well, I think that's going to be September 11th. Check the calendar.
Computer tech: September 11th? Isn't that something important? Oh, that's Labor Day, right?
Host: 9/11.
Computer tech, looking clueless: Ohhh. Well, okay.

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Employee: I'd like a minute to talk with you about my contribution here and my compensation.
Manager: No.

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and for the finale:

Interviewer #1: You have had many jobs at that same company. Can you describe your work environment?
Forty-six-year-old proper woman: My company liked to move us around a lot so we got experience in different departments.
Interviewer #1: Was this a standard practice?
Woman: Oh, yes. They did that for everyone working at the restaurant's HQ. Every six months we would move from department to department. We liked to call it "tossing the salad."
Interviewer #1: Excuse me?
Interviewer #2: [Spits out his water.]
Interviewers #3,4, and 5: [Look away and laugh uncontrollably]
Woman: I got my salad tossed every six months, but in the past year moved it up to every three months. It's all part of the manager training program.
Interviewer #6: Did you like getting your salad tossed?
Woman: Yes, I did.
Interviewer #6: It must take some getting used to. We have never tossed salads here, but that is not to say we won't someday.
Woman: I would highly recommend it.


for newbies, 'tossing the salad' means this.