the best of the week ...

... from Overheard in The Office.

Seriously, China is not the most populous nation on earth. Its Moronesia, also known as Idiotia.

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Sales girl #1: Hey, guys, there are two Oriental ladies walking to the back. Help them if you can.
Sales girl #2: We Orientals prefer to be called "Asians."

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Boss: Well, I'm outta here! Too bad you have to stay!
Janitor: You're not letting him leave early?
Boss: No. I'm the boss. I get to go. He has to stay.
Janitor: Okay. Well, bye.
Boss: Bye! [He leaves]
Janitor: So you're leaving in five minutes, right?
Employee: I'll wait 'til he clears the building.

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Customer: I would like a cheeseburger but with no cheese.
Cashier: So you want a simple hamburger?
Customer: No! A cheeseburger with no cheese!

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Employee: Hey, Bertha*, can you help me send a fax? It's been so long since I've had to use this.
Bertha: Okay, well, put your document face up here, and then enter the number here, and press "start."
Employee: What number?
Bertha: The fax number you're sending to?
Employee: Oh, am I supposed to know that?

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Tech guy: Yeah, so I tried to open the file, and it said something, something, file can't open, something.
Client services girl: Gee, thanks, tech.

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Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith's* estate tax return! Why didn't you tell me to check my inbox?? There's all kinds of stuff in there that hasn't gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don't happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you'll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?

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Lawyer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn't make it out when we did, we could've been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.

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Co-Worker: I sent out the class rosters for summer term to all the faculty and got an e-mail back from one guy wanting to know why he can't find his name on the list. Because it's the list of his students! How did he get to be a teacher!?

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Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What's her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.

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Employee: So, we were going to mail all these invoices, but instead we're going to fax them since our postage machine died. Just put them on here and press start.
Temp: Okay! Got it.

Temp begins faxing.

Employee: Um, you have to take them out of the envelopes first.

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Employee, talking to a customer on the phone: It's great to hear a friendly face!

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European: Did you just use the word "impetus"? I think you're the first American I have heard use that word.

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Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don't know if it's gonna get here. I kept telling them, "Our building is on Exalander Road," and they didn't even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that's what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.