Kramer's MySpace

To: MySpace Customer Service

From: Michael Richards

Re: Profile Glitches

Hey – MySpace guys,

I don't know what's going on, but I checked my MySpace page this afternoon and all of my friends were just suddenly gone. Like, almost everybody – totally vanished. That guy "Tom" wasn't even there anymore, and I thought he had to be friends with everybody.

It must be some kind of server problem or something, right?

I put a profile up on MySpace about eight months ago and since then I've accumulated something like 16,000 friends from all over the world. But when I checked today, it was just Seinfeld and a few other guys I don't even remember adding, like DocMartenMan and ArchieBunker12. There was some bald guy called Curb Job who I thought might be Larry David at first, but when I clicked on his photo he looked way too young. Plus the caption underneath said he hated the Jews.

So... can you guys get back to me about this? I hope it's just a glitch or something.

Sincerely,

Michael

****

To: Michael Richards

From: MySpace Tech Support

Re: Profile "Glitches"

We regret to inform you, Mr. Richards, that there has been no "technical glitch" in your profile. We believe that almost all of your Friends have simply decided to remove themselves from your page, thus ending your virtual Friendships. Maybe you did something to make them all mad – we're not sure. However, we are all glad to hear that Seinfeld has hung in there with you.

On the plus side, our technicians have reported that Mel Gibson wants to add you as a Friend. Apparently, somebody overheard him say "Finally – a celebrity that's more racist than me."

HAHAHAHAHAHA! BURN!!

Screw you, Richards – you suck now, and all of your old Seinfeld episodes suck now, too. Anytime you make a wacky entrance into Jerry's apartment now, we're not gonna laugh, we're just gonna think about how much you hate black people.

Sincerely,

The MySpace Tech Support Team

***

From: Michael Richards

To: MySpace Tech Support

Re: Ha ha

Okay, okay. I get it. You're heckling me. Well, look – I’m not flying off the handle about it. I'm able to keep my composure in the face of criticism, believe it or not. Although I should point out that almost everybody with half a brain has already made that Mel Gibson joke. Even Leno has probably already done that one.

Anyway, I honestly thought that maybe something was technically wrong with my profile, but thanks for clearing that up for me. Also, you telling me to "screw off" clues me in to the fact that you're probably not too happy with what I've done, so... if it means anything, I'm sorry if I offended anybody on the MySpace tech team.

It's very hard to explain these things, these behaviors. All I can say is that I got very, very angry with some hecklers, so I said the worst possible things I could say to them, the most horrible stuff I could think of. I think we all have access to these racist words and thoughts, just by virtue of growing up in American society. We have access to these types of things, and sometimes they just come out, though luckily for most, not in a public forum.

Throughout my life – as a child growing up, as a former military man, and as a white man in general – I've been privy to an enormous number of racial slurs and stereotypes. I mean, I've heard really, really rotten shit about Afro-Americans, Asians, Mexicans, Polish people and almost everybody else you can think of. I don't usually agree with it, but it's out there. I've heard it. And I know better than to repeat that garbage, not only because I don't want to promote it, but also because I know that it can really hurt the people that that type of stuff is directed at. However, it's that exact repression of language, that knowledge of its impact, that can cause a person to finally belt out all of the hateful words and ideas stored in their head when driven to an extreme point of rage. I think anybody who's ever cursed to themselves in traffic can understand that. It's having the power of the forbidden words, the knife-like ideas – sometimes it just comes out all over the place, and it doesn't necessarily reflect the way a person really is or how a person really feels.

So – I hope that maybe you can understand the position that I'm in, and accept my apology. It was never my intention to hurt so many people.
Now, on to other technical matters. I'm having another problem with my profile that maybe you can help me with. I want to add the caption "I totally love niggers" to my photo, but I don't know how to bold it. Can you tell me how to do that?

*Source.*